everything is falling apart around me... just some help/advice......a slap!?

[KarisTiasMum]

my partner has practically got his bags packed ready to leave... things have been pretty rocky for a while and it seeems everytime there is a little glimmer of hope, we have a huge row (usually about something small) and we are back to square one..

im now pretty distant from my family too for lots of different reasons...

my daughter is recently very disrupted, not sleeping well.. very grizzly and doesnt seem happy!

i dont want to talk to my friends, as i just want to put on a brave face! and i dont want my failed relationship to be public!

im scared, i love him and he tells me its my fault he is so unhappy..
we have had so much to fight against since we met.. but i feel so strongly that i was so sure we could get through anything!

i feel so frighted and lonely and bad! i think i have cocked it all up.. and i cant stand seeing him so down!

any advice? or do i just need a big slap and to get on with it!?!!?

sorry, if that comes accross as me feeling completely sorry for myself!

..........i kind of am!? lol

Give yourself a night to cry. Then tomorrow you start sorting out what you are going to do.

HAve you considered counselling? Either for both of you or if he won't go for yourself.

IF your dd is unsettled/going thru a bad phase then that would put a strain on your relationship as well. How old is she?

What do you argue about?

and def no slap

You sound like someone who is used to putting a brave face on things and that that is no longer enough - it's all come to a head. It's hard to know what to say without more information, though. I would also be wondering whether you'd had proper counselling, maybe as a couple, to work out what's going on and what issued each of you is bringing to the relationship.

If things are tense between you, it's very understandable that your little one will pick up on that tension and not seem very happy.

Try to be gentle with yourself - it sounds like you're going through a very rough time.

sorry 'issues', not 'issued'

thank you, i think your right that the tension in the house may be affecting my little one, she is almost 3 so at an age where she can easily sense when something is wrong. but the vucous circle starts when her unsettledness (is that a word?) causes friction between me and my partner... he is not her biological father, and is a great parent but im certain he feels an element of resent that she is not his yet he has constant stress from her.

we argue about all sorts, people seem to interfere in our lives a lot and it puts huge pressure on us and i feel i am constantly trying to keep everyone happy and in the meantime i seem to be doing to total oppsite.

my partner is a very proud guy and rightly so, doesnt take lightly to interference.. so when that interfernce is my mother, i find it really hard to know what to do for the best. she feels like i am constantly having a go at her which has realy distanced her and my family and my partner feels like nothing is resolved.

i dont want to talk to people in my real life about this because i dont want them thinking badly of us and our relationship.. but i am so lonely right now and feel so scared that i am going to lose him and my family that i just need to rant it all out!!

i know i dont have a hope in hell of counselling, i think he would laugh in the face of it. although i quite like the idea as i a chance to hear each other out without arguing...

i just want to scream and cry and be big and brave enough to let him leave if he wants to... but i know deep down that he still has our spark and a love for us... there has been very recent evidence of that and i ill be damned if i give up on us if there is even a glimmer of light for us to build on.

i dont know what i will do if he leaves me, i am still so in love!

you need to talk to someone (counsellor) on your own if he doesn't want to.

You say that you feel that you are constantly trying to keep everyone happy? Are they happy as a result? Are you happy as a result? Does this cause stress between you and your partner.

It is something I think alot of people do, especially women, but you need to consider your own happiness as well. You need to take a step back and consider what you and your dd and dp need before giving yourself out to others.

You sound as if you may have low self esteem as well.

All hippy shit I know but the more you can feel good about yourself, the more you can love yourself the better you can get on with others.

What is a typical week in your life?

well... i had a big spinal op earlier this year so there has been a big black cloud over things recently with the recovery etc and a typical week just doesnt happen any more!

i dont try to keep people happy against my own wishes, everything i strive for is what i feel is best for us as a family... it just seems i have to pussyfoot around sometimes to keep everyone sweet.

what would make me happy is to pick up my dd and partner and just move away and start fresh... its just not possible and it seems the longer we stay here the deeper and deeper we get into this madness... things are just horrible right now.. and i cant even give you a big reason why! no one has had an affair or done anything to warrant the break down of our relationship like in most cases.. but lots of little things have niggeld away at us and it feels like the sky is about to cave in, it so bad!!

do you find your 3 year old goes through unsettled patches? how good is he/she and amusing themselves?