Moved to Norway to be secondary to MIL

[SameTimeSamePlaceNextYear]

Originally from Vancouver, DH is Norwegian. Late 30s/mid 40s. Been together for 4 years, married a little more than a year ago. Mid 2025 we both found ourselves retrenched in Denmark and decided to move back to his hometown in Norway to save costs. DH found a job at a local hobby shop, I found a temp contract in procurement where I can work remotely.

We live in DH’s 1 bedroom apartment near the city. MIL lives 45 mins away. As she’s not very independent and FIL works, we sort of fell into a routine where she would stay over on the sofa bed (arrives at 3pm) whenever she has an appointment in the city the next morning. Happens about 1-2 times a month. Not great as our apartment is ~500sqft but ok. The more she stays though the worse I feel our r/s is becoming.

MIL and DH are similar in that they’re both EXTREME homebodies. DH doesn’t really have many friends, same with MIL. They’re each other’s best friend since young and DH visits them 3 times a week. Before being sent to Denmark by his company DH also lived with his parents for 36 years continuously.

So when MIL stays over, I’m the outsider. I get very stuffy and sweaty but we can’t open the windows cause she hates the breeze/cold. She complains she has to look after DH cause he doesn’t have a meal ready when he gets home ignoring how we BOTH work so we make food together after he’s back. She will critique my things, my clothes. Dismisses everything I say.

Recently learnt that my team leader would like to convert me to a full time, permanent position once my contract ends next April with much more pay/benefits contingent on us moving 4h away to Oslo (4 days in office 1 day WFH). It’s a great opportunity!

MIL has caught wind of it from DH and constantly guilt trips me how I’m taking DH away from her. DH agrees this is the best move for us as we’ve been looking to buy a house near Oslo too but feels guilty about thinking of moving in the first place cause he’s all MIL has (aside from FIL who indulges her less).

What do I do? She monopolises everything, DH feels bad cause he’s her rock (and aside from me he doesn’t have anyone else to hang out with anyway) and I’m trapped.

Put yourself first OP. No one else in this relationship or family are. Your needs and life matter as well.

I would take the job in Oslo for a fresh start and go alone. Enjoy your life.

Good advice.

Take the job. If he moves with you, brilliant. If he doesn’t, best cutting your losses now before you have children. You really don’t want this woman dominating your life.

How many husbands does she need?!

Why do you even have to ask. The mother will be fine. It’s the wet weekend husband who needs to sort himself out sorry but grow a pair and put yourself first! Good luck.

Mummy's boys need to either grow up or realise they can't have a healthy relationship.

God help you if FIL dies first

First of all accept the job.
Then you can deal with your DH and MIL knowing that you have options that don't include them if that's what you decide. Don't let them talk you out of the job whatever happens. Make your decisions based on what you know about them and what their future behaviour looks like. If it makes you worried for your own happiness then you alredy have another future elsewhere without them.

Quite - this isn't normal for Norway. I can see why FIL is busy elsewhere! I'm sure there are Norwegian men with more backbone available.

Move to Oslo asap, I'd request it sooner rather than later. Up to him whether he comes along. The shopping trip is nonsense and doesn't make sense - if it's 30 mins from you, is it 15 mins from her or 1h15? Why can't she travel on her own to get there around 11am?

What is FIL doing on these days that means he can't accompany MIL? Can you go and stay with him?!

Do you need DH for your visa to take the job in Oslo?

Hes still tied to his mothers apron strings unfortunately. I think its time to think of yourself and take the job and leave him to move home.

I lived in Norway for a year and still have close Norwegian friends. This is absolutely NOT normal in Norway. Getting on with your family and having a good friendly relationship, yes. Not allowing your children to live as independent adults, no. Moving 4 hour away, which will allow for the occasional weekend visit each way, sounds perfect. And Oslo is awesome!

Run for the hills. Or in this case Oslo!

You go where you're wanted.
He can stay where he thinks he's wanted.
Its a win win for you.
More money, less MIL.
Is this the DH you wanted anyway?

Oh dear a mummy's boy. I married one so know the problems it can bring. You should go to Oslo and hopefully hubby will follow you without his mum. Your life will sadly be tricky.

Bide your time, take the job, don't get pregnant (at all or) until this is very very resolved.

Move to Oslo, send DH off to see MIL for the weekend once a month. You stay home and do whatever you want for the weekend. If you’re feeling very kindly, she comes
to your place for the weekend once a month.

They still get to have plenty of quality time, but it’s a lot less time for you to see her, in hopefully a bigger house.

Make sure DH knows that if you have children he wouldn’t be able to go and stay with mummy once a month.