We’ve had a stupid argument about this and now I’m wondering if I’m being unfair.
We both work full time and split the mortgage and bills 50/50. I have a DD who’s 11 from a previous relationship and he has a DS who’s 9. His son stays every other weekend and some holidays, DD is with us most of the time but goes to her dad’s alternate weekends.
I work reception at a dental practice, he supervises at a delivery depot. He’s up earlier than me and usually home earlier too, although sometimes he stays late.
The thing is I do all the remembering. Food shop, working out what we’re having for tea, school messages, washing, making sure DD has whatever she needs for school and remembering when we’re running out of things. If something needs doing I usually know about it before anyone else does.
He does do stuff. He takes the bins out, will hoover and sometimes cooks. If I ask him to put a wash on he’ll do it. It’s the asking that gets to me because I’m the one who has to notice it needs doing in the first place.
Yesterday I’d been doing washing and sorting things for the week. He’d gone to see his mate for a bit and came back about 1ish. He asked why I hadn’t sat down all morning and I said because I’ve got loads to do.
He said we both work all week and he pays half of everything so he doesn’t see why I act like I’m doing it all on my own. I said paying half the bills doesn’t mean the work in the house is split in half.
He said if I want help I should just ask instead of expecting him to read my mind. I do understand that to a point, I’m not expecting him to know what I’m thinking, but I don’t want to be in charge of telling another adult what needs doing all the time.
He thinks I’m making a big thing out of normal household stuff. I just feel like he can finish work and switch off because he knows I’ll deal with whatever’s left.
I don’t need everything to be exactly 50/50 every day, but I do want him to take responsibility for some things without waiting for me to ask.
Am I being unreasonable?