Dangerous work attraction

[foxrobin]

I need some advice. I’m single with two kids (10 and 12) who live with me. I started a new job a few months ago and worked fairly closely with a man who is 8 years younger than me. He is lovely and very good looking and made it clear from day one that he fancied me (staring at me across the room and then holding my gaze for minutes at a time, his friends elbowing him and looking between the two of us whenever I sat near him, an insane chemistry whenever we lock eyes to the point where we just drift towards one another and then can’t look away) then I found out he was engaged. Not mentioned a thing about it after months of this. We’d even had work trips together with nothing mentioned. I was absolutely devastated and think the world of this man but obviously since that, I pulled back hugely. Fast forward months and it’s all kind of ramped up again. I still feel the same level of intense interest and can tell that he does too. Problem is that I’m 45 and should probably think about finding a new partner but I know I’d rather flirt with this colleague for the rest of my life rather than lose him or the joy seeing him every day which seems like I’m going to have a pretty miserable life! We followed one another on instagram and he watches every story I post and vice versa. I don’t know how to move on as I’m absolutely crazy about him. Thank you in advance for any suggestions!

He’s engaged. End of. What a prick to flirt so shamelessly with you when he’s supposedly in love with someone else. He strung you along, and well done for distancing yourself when you found out, but why have you allowed it to ramp up again? It’s going nowhere. You can’t have him, and if something happens, think of the hurt you will cause.
This man is not worth any more of your time.
Block him on insta and stop gazing into his eyes at work. You’re a grown up. You can do this. I believe in you.

Could you think about looking for a new job? Is there any role you could transfer to, or take some time to retrain? You don't need this and you obviously have plenty to offer professionally. I have learned the hard way that what we gives oxygen to grows. I find sudoku or even fiddle toys a great distraction at times like these. He shouldn't be behaving this way towards you, all you can do is stop being his ego boost.
You need your energy for your lovely children and your career.

He's an asshole leading you on and you're an asshole if you let this go any further. There's another thread here about an older woman who had sex with her younger coworker and it did not end well.

IOW, don't shit where you eat. Don't encourage players. Don't act like a moonstruck teen, nagl.

Sounds like the beginning of an engaged man cheating on his wife to be and you facilitating it, are you thinking about his partner at any point when you’re drooling over him?

Do anything but spend time near this guy. I had a younger guy act exactly like this at a previous workplace. His work friend later let me know that he was like this with a lot of women but just not in front of me. It still took a long time to stop thinking about him, probably because it's rare for a woman to receive that level of physical cues someone is interested, especially when your life is a mix of work and parenting. I'm glad nothing happened. People were certainly noticing the "chemistry" but I can hold my head high knowing it never resulted in cheating. Spoiler - I heard he's still with the partner he claimed he wasn't sure about, and they went on to have kids, so I'd have been devastated if something had happened with us.