Relationship with MIL.

[Ilovedogs1]

Hi. Myself and DH have been married almost 20 yrs. My relationship with my MIL has never been spectacular but recently I've been feeling I've had enough of it.
There isn't any major thing that has happened, more a death by a thousand cuts scenario.
Few examples, MIL would come to our house and turn off lights/appliances to save electric even though it isn't her house.
She will comment on the 'state' of my house, how I keep my dogs.
She calls our house DH house, 'because he pays for it' even though I work also and all our money goes into a joint account.
She arranged a holiday for her, DH and my kids (adult kids) but no invitation for me, not that I actually want to go. Various other things. Lately after another round of comments I decided to keep my distance for a bit. MIL then asked if she had upset me, so I told her why I'm upset. This was met with a cold response and numbered points as to why I'm wrong and she's right.
Am I being out of order or to sensitive?
Would you go LC or NC?

Thanks.

Book a lovely holiday with your friends/ yourself same time.
Keep grinning through her shit. It'll really wind her up.

@whippersnapper55 we have had a conversation about how I want him to back me more. X

@DoubleBusy2026 I did say to her that that means her house isn't hers and must belong to FIL.

I can’t understand this at all.

Your MIL booked a holiday for your husband and your adult children, and not one of them challenged her on not inviting you, or told her they wouldn’t be going if you weren’t included.

What the fuck is that about?

What is it with these MILs!? They normally come attached to a wet son who has been controlled by her all of his life!

Next time she's says anything about the "state" of your house tell her you know, and she should be embarrassed that she didn't teach her son how to "keep house." Because, you know, it's his and all that! 🙄

As for the holiday I agree with the pp who said book your own holiday with friend(s).

I'm shocked your DH hasn't challenged this holiday.

Drop the rope and cut your losses. This bitter old jealous hag will never change. Her disfunctional thinking is so deeply rooted it will actually kill her to root it out. In her mind you are the interloper who is sponging off her darling perfect son, who is perfect and works so hard to provide all this luxury. You can never do enough to be good enough. So please yourself and dont let her toxicity spoil your enjoyment of the house, dogs and children. I would certainly speak up when she oversteps or leaves you out however....have some fun with challenging her poisonous narrow minded narrative.

Talk to the adult dc about it and ask if they actually want to go on this holiday with MIL. If not, you could book something just for you and them. It's not too late for MIL to cancel their places and she can just go with DH.

Hmmm! Just wondering what DH would say if you, or your Mum booked a holiday with the children, and excluded him.

Surely your dh and dc aren’t going to go on the holiday? I’d be raging if so, all ‘services’ would stop immediately, no sex/cooking/housework/washing. Dc can find their own way. No way would I tolerate that shit!

Hello ladies. Thank you all for your replies and support.
DH and I have had a big conversation. He said he sees my point of view but he's not going to change her now.
I said I don't expect him to change her but I do expect more back up from him.
He said he will so we'll see.
I've also told him I don't want to see her anymore.
Ironically the following weekend the family were invited round to MIL for dinner.
I said I wasn't going, DH said he wouldn't go either. I told him I'm not going to stop him seeing his mother and he should go.
I enjoyed a lovely evening with a film, bottle of wine and a takeaway. 😁