Relationship Break-Up help needed

[GFHell]

I’m 58 and a relationship I’ve been in for seven months has just ended. The man involved was by far the best man I’ve ever been out with. I could see Something was not quite right, there was a lack of excitement coming from him. I’m now beside myself. I just do not know what to do with myself. We did not discuss no contact but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want much contact from me but I am of course desperate to contact him. I do have a few questions that I want to ask him regarding what happened but I do know also that much of my desire to contact him is just for the contact.
Please, anything anyone can say might help me. I really just do not know what to do with myself.

I can’t make head nor tail of this

Who dumped who?

He doesn’t sound interested

Your op is very clear @GFHell .

I am sorry that you are feeling so wretched. Age is no barrier to heart break. I think you need to think rationally back to the break up conversation and see if he said anything that was obvious that he'd like to hear from you and try and stay as friends.

Contact is too soon. If you message and get nothing back you'll feel worse than you do now. The best thing to do is say right, that was nice but it is now over and to keep busy. If you are physically busy it helps to shut your brain and your heart off for a bit. Enjoy that you had something that you thought was special but it is over now, you can't change it so there is no point wallowing. You get a day to do that then you must crack on. It's the only way.

TheSunIsAlwaysThere
thank you so much for replying. No, nothing was said about being friends and I don’t want to be friends. I know I couldn’t be friends but I just want some questions answered really. I know your advice is right but at the moment I just can’t stop crying.

Don’t contact him op you will just regret it once the fog lifts . Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing you’re upset he clearly won’t care and doesn’t sound like he was invested in the relationship

Cry. It's healthy to let the emotions out. I had someone I could never just be friends with. We either were together or we barely spoke. I get it. Thankfully he came back into my life and we are having a lovely little thing but it is quite common for being friends not to be an option.

It sounds like it is early days so just take a day or so, let the sadness out but then you have no choice but to move on. He's ended it so that's that.

Do not contact him, the fastest way to recovery is block, delete and keep very very busy. Do not deviate from this. Exercise as much as you can. Be outside. Be with friends, do something to help others.

This is the fastest route, backed fully by everything we know about the science of happiness

Thank you, everyone. I think your advice is right, but I am really struggling with it just now. I know everyone does!

What specific questions?
Put the questions into precise words and write them down.

Now think about the answers. Chances are either you already know the answers, or the answers don't matter.

The answers don’t have any practical importance but they might help me make sense of it all. The answer to one of my questions could affect what I say next. I’m mulling over what to do.

He’s not interested
he doesn’t want contact
you need to respect that

Patioplant it wasn’t quite that straightforward. Frustratingly, I can’t divulge the specifics because they would be very outing. But I ended the relationship because of a situation he created but I’m not sure that’s what he actually wanted.
Also, much as everyone says go non-contact, and it may be that that’s the longterm best option, it is very hard to do. I am in pain and longing.

but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want much contact from me

so respect that FGS
and leave him alone
he wasn’t “excited” by you
It is over

It's not that hard he's broken up with her and she's upset about it. Keep up.

So he cheated
and now he doesn’t want any contact
so just leave it

@GFHell dumped him

You know he doesn't want contact from you. You ended it so you could have asked any questions immediately prior. FGS, hang on to your pride and don't contact him. 7 months isn't such a long time really give yourself a week and you will feel much better about the situation. Eventually you will look back and think you are better off without him even though it was fun while it lasted

Follow dadhugs for the soul. Think of all the times you’ve had a broken heart before and how you no longer feel anything good about these previous heart breakers. Listen to matthew hussey stuff. Time is the best healer. I know how it feels, sorry you are going through this

Thank you sunseaand25 and everyone else.
I find some of your tones very harsh. Rightly or wrongly I am devastated. I know no contact is probably right and so far I’ve managed it but it is not at all easy.

I was also going to suggest Matthew Hussey. I used to love listening to his pods and sobbing -
very therapeutic!!

I’m just updating in case anyone is interested. The ex made contact with me this morning! Just asking if I was okay. But then led to us having a bit of a chat and I’ve said some of the things that I felt I wanted to say. I actually do feel better for this. It may be temporary but it feels better to me to know he has some concern for me and his comments are all very nice and respectful, and I have got a little clarity on a couple of things.
Just for info he hadn’t cheated. Someone mentioned that, but that’s not the case.

Right so now you can move on

I don’t think she wants to move on by the sounds of it. I have a feeling she still wants him 🤷‍♀️

So have you gone back to him then?