Horrible breakup.

[Strawb1989]

Feeling like complete shit today. Broke up with boyfriend Yesterday - but it wasn’t even a proper breakup. He just cancelled our date; went cold, and I immediately heard from mutual friends he had been chatting up women at the pub.

I’ve been planning to leave him for a few weeks but he’s very manipulative and would find ways to make this really difficult, including roping third parties into it and manipulating situations.

I’ve gone no contact - not going to bother calling him out for the sleazy pub behaviour - just feeling extremely anxious at the moment and would hugely appreciate some tips in staying strong.

I’m assuming you don’t live together? Does he have anything of yours you need back?

We live separately, I have a couple of items at his but nothing worth actually going back for. I can replace it

If you were planning to leave him, he has done you a favour and made it a lot easier for you to bow out without hassle.

What's the problem?

Then block him on everything and start planning yourself some nice things to look forward to.

I’m just finding it very stressful and unpleasant

He doesn't seem to add anything to your life and I can't understand why your still interested.

He sounds like he couldn't give a toss about you and seems to act like it he can be a total tosser. Perhaps that ls the attraction, that eventually he'll "change". No chance.

Bin him off, there will be thousands of other women all eager to try and.get him to change.

im not interested, as I said I was trying to leave him for weeks

Thank your lucky stars you don't have marriage, mortgage, God forbid children with him.

You can walk away free....millions of women would love to be in your shoes.

I've seen a phrase on here that says, 'The trash took itself out' and that seems to apply.

I'd be grateful that it was actually a very easy break up - he cancelled a date and immediately showed what he was like. You dodged a bullet with him.

Block and move on. He doesn't get to manipulate you any longer.

When you say you need tips for ‘staying strong’, what does strong mean for you in this context?

I imagine he may have sensed you were about the finish with him and got in first. The chatting up women last night, when mutual freinds were around and he knew you would find out, was to assert the fact he's done this.

If you wanted to end it but were worried about his reaction, this is the best possible outcome.

It is upsetting that someone you'd been close to would treat you so callously, even if you had been wanting to split.
However, it's done now, without any scenes, so coddle yourself for a few days with cake and whatever takes your fancy, and move on.

keep reminding yourself this is what you wanted. Reframe it to yourself that you planned to cancel the date anyway if that makes you feel better. Then keep busy. Try to avoid wondering what he’s up to or telling people, no good can come of that.

For what it’s worth, this sounds like a relatively pleasant break up compared to what it sounds like he would be like. Sometimes they do stupid stuff like this, they expect you to come grovelling and begging them not to leave you, but actually the trash has taken itself out and you’re happy.

Stick with the no contact, and hopefully you’ll be feeling better soon 💐 remember that a man needs to be worthy of you, and if he isn’t then don’t waste your time on him

He's taken the power away from you, that's all. You've been imagining how good it will feel to sweep in, say 'you're dumped' and leave him with a gobsmacked expression on his face and you've been denied that chance. So you've got the 'But I was going to dump YOU' feeling.

But really it doesn't matter how it happened. It's happened, you're better off without the little twunt, now block him on everything and sashay off into the rest of your life.

This is a positive OP. He's done the job for you, so no come-back or baggage. Sounds like you've had a very lucky escape.

How long were you together

Good question. Not feeling like shit and dwelling on it I suppose

1 year

That’s true. When I’ve spoken about breaking up before he’s caused a big scene and it’s been really difficult. Maybe this was the only out

^ Totally this. No matter how crap a relationship is, it can still hurt and take time to get over.

If you can, have a few cosy days/evenings in front of the TV with some comfort food. Then plan the rest of your life without this loser 😂

I find it helpful when shitty things happen to accept that I will feel terrible for a time until I’ve metabolised the worst of it.

Like having food poisoning. You feel like absolute shite and can’t remember what it ever felt like to be well, and then at some point you turn a corner and start to feel more normal again.

It’s a matter of waiting it out and trusting that the anxiety and stress will work its way through you in time.

thats helpful. I suppose I just have to ride it out. I feel so uncomfortable and anxious and tempted to message him for answers but I won’t get anything worthwhile.

I have a couple of days of annual leave today and tomorrow so going to use them to mope around, be lazy and watch a comfort show. Just feel so low at the moment. I’ve obviously gone through breakups before but they were more amicable and respectful. This ending feels so disrespectful, cold, and mean. I think that’s why I feel so bad about it

Yeah, I think so. When someone treats you without care and respect (even if they’re ending things with you) it can add an extra (big) level of pain.

Look after yourself x