Struggling after a six-year relationship ended and feeling completely blindsided

[laticheau]

Hi guys. I know a lot of you might be thinking I am being so silly with this, but I am going through it a bit right now.

I (F25) have been with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 6 years. We met in the first week of university and have had such a beautiful love since. He has never been the most communicative, and I think I have experienced a lot of feeling as though he was never as into me as I was to him, never as invested, and never as obsessed as me. The beggining of the year we were discussing whether to move in together, I sort of made the argument that it's been 5 years, so I am a ittle concerned that he has never considered it. He flip flopped on the topic for months, utimately decided that he did want to live with me, and then I requested that he reassured me. he never reassured me, never led on the process of flat viewings.

I had a pretty fair, frank, firm conversation with him in May that I wasn't having my emotional needs met. He didn't really fight for us, just withdrew. I then poured effort into the relationship more and more and things got really good. Fantastic even. He then blindsides me saying that he is worried that he can't be man I need and he wants us to work long term but he needs space. We then essentially took a break for two months (where unfortunately he held all the power), but constantly reassured me that he took some time to see a therapist and get on the right tracks. We have been seeing eachother for a month and it's gone fanstatically.

Says he is going to pick me up from mine saturday night for a date. I am SO excited. Ends up blindsiding me entirely with 'people told me I seem happier without you', 'having you less in my life I have enjoyed' and says that right now, what he wants is to develop as a man independently.

The last thing he ever said to me was that he wants us to work and loves me so much.

Turns out months ago he also snogged another girl at a party and flirted with her afterward. Unbelievably painful.

Entirely blindsided, can't eat, can't sleep, everything reminds me of him. It's clear he doesn't want me and that he is therefore not my person, but I am terrified at the thought of others/him getting into a reationship/ never finding anybidy again.

Please could I have some positive advice/stories/pep talks? This is horrendous and the thought of him becoming a stranger and him having a life without me is killing me. He has desamated me. I was entirely convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man.

See if there are friends or family willing to go on a last minute holiday. A change of scene somewhere different will do you a world of good.

It’s a hard lesson but one which has positives in the long run.
Being in love and building a healthy relationship is not the same as being obsessed with each other.
You giving far too much and him giving far too little isn’t healthy.
Giving so much to someone that your wellbeing depends on them is not healthy.
It sounds like he might have felt a bit pressured/suffocated and that’s not a criticism. It happens a lot.
You are both still so young. I can remember feeling like you and it was three decades ago now. Felt like my world had ended. Had I stayed with him, I would have ended. A marriage would have ended in divorce, that’s for sure.
Don’t worry about what or who comes next.
You are not defined by who you are with.
You can never get these young years to follow back - it is a time when you can get to know yourself, have fun, date even, work on your career, travel, enjoy your friendships. I long for the energy you have now, even though it’s left you temporarily.
Time heals, I can tell you that. And one day you look back and you are able to remember the good things and good times.
The pain ends but when you can you have to make an effort with yourself even if it’s small things - an easy film, a nice coffee, a lunch with a friend.
I still have the friends now I have then and sometimes we discuss those lunches when one of us always had a broken heart. And now we mainly moan about pensions and arthritis.
You are gifted one beautiful life. More was meant for you than this young man and this broken heart. I can promise you that.