Did going to relate make things worse before they got better for you?

[fluxy3]

After lots of upset, arguments and general unhappiness over the years, I booked me and the H to go to relate. We go every week for an hour. I find the sessions really helpful, but I am increasingly angry about the fact that I have said a lot of stuff to the H and he just either ignored it or tried to tell me that things aren't like that. A result of this is I do not trust my own feelings well, as I have been "convinced" otherwise about situations.
Basically I'm really upset about the fact that problems I tried to discuss were ignored and are now being discussed. I just feel so sad and upset that now that we are paying someone to listen he takes me and my feelings seriously.
Please don't shoot me down, I know I should be grateful the marriage is getting help and he is willing to go to relate, but its just so upsetting. We had a huge row on sunday morning and the DCs got upset, or rather I lost it if I'm honest.... I'm just not sure I can deal with this constant conflict and upset. I'm not even sure that I actually want to be with him, just so tired and fed up of feeling unhappy..... maybe too much has happened for us to ever get it right. The counsellor has even said that looking at our relationship it seems we never had it right in the first place....... 16 years and 3Dcs later......
Sorry for rambling, just need to get things off my chest and hear about other people's experiences. Thanks for listening........

rather than being bitter that abnormal behaviour had morphed into the norm in our house - i was relived that DH was embarrassed - you cant pull that 'you're paranoid' shit or 'your imagining it' bollocks when a thrid person is in the roon - esp a good councellor who will say " and what is your view" they can't help but trip themselves up on a lie when thye can't resort to shouting screaming and refusing to speak.

The danger i felt was two fold

saving it up to 'tell' once a week - like saying " miss miss, he said a naughty word"

i felt my dh was prone to try to impress the councellor - like at a job interview - his answers were pat, perfect father, perfect husband.

and ight in front of the counceller i told him to quit it - "you can either impress her" i said" "or you can earnestly try to save this marriage, becuase i am done"

the second thing was
dh felt like it was a hubby bashing session. hate to sound like the smug twat that i am - but he really had nothing bad to say.

so it wasn't a he said - she said thing

it was more of a dh is wrong dh is wrong dh is wrong dh is wrong session

so i bore that in mind

good luck

yeah its a pisser you have to pay someone to sit there - but it so validates normal bhaviour - and you both might be trying to make things fly - that in reality is a total piss take