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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do now? (rant and may be long)

7 replies

muggglewump · 30/06/2008 10:21

Original thread here

So we went on the holiday, got back on Saturday and it was a bit of a nightmare. The first 3 days were OK but on Tuesday my Dad went in a bad mood for no fathomable reason and stayed that way.
He was rude, grumpy, nitpicky and just not happy with anything.
I took DD out the last two days to give him space and get away from him but he didn't seem happy with that either and it just got worse. (I can give examples but don't want to go on too long)
It culminated in him drivin goff as soon as we got our bags from the car on Saturday with him mumbling we weren't going to thank him which is crap and he drove away, leaving me fuming and DD upset.
I let him make all the decisions about where we'd go and what we'd do. DD behaved impeccably, although I was pre-empting what she might do wrong by the end and telling her off for nothing (I feel bad about this) just because the atmosphere was so awful.

DD has asked why her Grandad was so horrible and I'm so angry. He chose the location, he knew it was difficult for us to do anything without him, I don't drive and don't have much money either and given the location it was very weather dependent.

I did make the mosy of it for DD but I wish we'd never gone and don't know how to sort this out. He's not the sort of person you can talk to or reason with. He won't see or accept that he was out of order and I can't and won't apologise because I haven't done anything wrong. I can't even think what he thinks I did, if anything.

I knwo old folk get grumpy and set in their ways but he's always been like this. We literally hated each other for years when I was growing up because of it and only since my Mum died and I had DD 7 years ago have we had any sort of relationship.
I feel sad we may now not as it's taken this long and he's DD's only GP but also really, really angry with him

OP posts:
muggglewump · 30/06/2008 15:02

Anyone?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 30/06/2008 19:58

I think if you're going to fix it, you have to swallow everything and make nice to Graumpy. He thinks you're not going to thank him - make a Big Deal out of it. Get your DD to make a big, glittery pink "thank you for our lovely holiday" card, bake a cake and ice it. I understand that you don't see any need to apologise (and I don't think you do, either) but since it seems he does, you might as well. He may not be around much longer, and you don't want to be having regrets.

muggglewump · 30/06/2008 21:07

I've already sent a card, I did that yesterday.
I do begrudge it but he doesn't need to know.
I'm bloody angry though as this has gone on forever.
I'm making homemade tomato soup tomorrow too as he loved it so much at one of the places we had lunch at.
I'm trying to please him and he was quite mean to my daughter and has her not wanting to see him!
There's clearly something weird about that and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for replying though, I was beginning to feel like I smell!

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/07/2008 08:04

And never go on holiday with him again!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/07/2008 17:29

Hope your soup turned out OK!

I don't think there's much more you can do really, except accept that just because you're related to someone, doesn't mean you're going to get on with them. You're doing all you can, so your conscience can rest easy.

izyboy · 01/07/2008 17:43

Personally I wouldnt play nice to the old devil. Why?

Just carry on as normal, sorry, but if you do as suggested above he will just keep behaving badly as you are effectively 'rewarding' him. Just ignore it as you would a naughty child but obviously still talk when needed.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/07/2008 20:45

He's 82. He's not going to change now.

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