Need help, I’ve been with my husband 7 months, it’s been perfect, and I believe he really loves me and I love him to bits, I’ve done everything to try and make him happy.
He mentioned when we met he sometimes goes for cupping therapy by a Muslim guy, and it’s above board and asked how I would feel if a woman did massages to him and I said it wouldn’t make me feel comfortable, he agreed he wouldn’t allow a man to massage me, a few months after he came hope with cupping marks and said he went to his usual guy, then he’s in the shower and a notification pops up from an Eastern European woman’s name I’ve not heard him mention, I questioned it and he admitted it was a new place, a woman near a site he was working at, I said that’s wasn’t ok to not tell me, he said she was sending him stretches on Watsap because he asked for them, I said that was a bit odd but he showed me the messages.
Months passed and I thought he wasn’t going for anymore massages, our sex life is great and I massage him daily! Massage has always been part of our foreplay and he likes his nipples to be kissed and down below. This week I booked him a surprise massage at a fancy spa for his birthday, then on Thursday I had suspicions when he left site late and sent me a satnav screenshot at a residential address he was driving slowly down, I looked it up and low and behold there was a Polish massage place at a private house, I could smell the oil on him when he came home and confronted him, he freaked out, said I was controlling for accusing him, that night I managed to hack his pin and saw the transactions on his phone, one £50 the one I suspected and one £55 the previous day to a Thai place at a different address where he was was working (he’s a site engineer on the road all day at different sites) I didn’t admit I knew this about the payments I’d seen and tried to give him chance to own up but he just kept lying about it.
That night I got into his iPad and his work watsap and found the whole story, he’s been going regularly to massage places, mainly Thai, some of which also run as ‘hotels’ he swore blind he never would go to backstreet Thai places as they offer happy endings and he said he did that once before he met me and felt disgusted and was only after proper deep tissue massages. I then admitted I had seen it all on his phone and he hit the roof, accused me of being controlling. I’ve since gone on his iPad again after guessing the changed pin and his satnav history, he’s searched or called massage places 27 times in the last 2 months, all different places near the sites he works at, he also showed me multiple payments some of which aren’t even legit names like a woman’s name then ‘beauty’ there was 2 payments to a woman’s name followed by ‘beauty’ registered on company house to a hairdresser in a block of flats in the city centre, I messaged the woman and she said she was a salon but there were massages at a different flat, and I’ve since found out via messaging she is an escort.
I went on his satnav history again and found the address and name of the place, it takes you to a directory of masseuse on a site called ‘deluxe massage’ and there’s pics of beautiful women, one of which looks like a pornstar, in tight dresses showing her rear like a PLT model, it says she does ‘Swedish and relaxation’ massage, I text her but she said to only contact on watsap for full details. She offers happy endings and shower for £120, normal massage is £60, u know he paid £60 after him showing me the payment.
She even sent me his watsap message saying he was after a 30 min sports massage back in feb which I couldn’t believe she went it, he says ‘nothing sexual just sports masssge’ she then sends the sordid prices saying £60 for relaxation massage and £120 for ejaculate where you want and have a shower. He swore blind it was just a massage and she was wearing ‘pyjamas’
I confronted him, he said he’s been to her twice but just for massage, he swore on his daughters life nothing sexual has happened at any of these massage places and he just goes to relax when he’s stressed, he’s spending a small fortune at these places. I told him he has a serious problem he needs to get help with, and kicked him out of my house, he’s gone back to his ex wife’s house where his daughter lives. He’s now blaming me for accusing him and saying I ruined it.
While I was doing the dinner for him and washing his clothes thinking he was working on sites he was also fitting in massages at all these seedy places on his lunch breaks or when finishing work early, some right on my doorstep.
I’m shocked to the core, I don’t know what to do, I’ve not eaten for four days straight, we rang eachother and cried and he asked if I want him to come back and I gave in because I’m weak and needy and he’s been here since and we’ve back and forwarded.
Would anyone put up with this? Could it be innocent? He says if it were sex or extras the payments, but to me £50-£65 is prob enough and we don’t know the massage duration it’s prob 30 min and a HJ or BJ or worse! And there was the one place he’s paid 2 lots of £50 and swore blind they must of charged him twice in error! God I feel so sick and still feel like I don’t want to leave this man! How?!
Update-last night I got all my evidence and confronted him, I asked him 3 questions based on the lies he told me before ‘did you know the escort was a sex worker, did you go after your dad died because you felt so low, did you contact her more than once? He’s swore all of these things to me for days on end, he swore to me there on then on his daughters life that all this was the case; it was a one off innocent mistake because he was distraught and needed a massage and was shocked when he got there and she was in ‘pyjamas’. I calmly told him I had evidence otherwise, I showed him the video she sent me of his phone showing he watsapped her in feb before his dad died, that he knew what she offered because she sent him the full details and even said she didn’t know what a sports masssge was but she can do ‘relaxation massage’ yet he still went along! And that he contacted her feb, july (unfortunately there watsap timer had deleted the July chat! And he also made an outgoing call to her in June, he looked shocked and admitted ok he lied but it was JUST a massage. There’s 3 payments this year £65,£60 and £61.50 and I think they’re all her, one I can link to her address on 1st July; other 2 are random thai sounded names that don’t come up alone, but on both dates he’s also contacted this woman but then again he’s also contacted about 10 different Thai places across the midlands so could be any! And what does it even matter!
I also asked him last night if he ever paid for extras before me and he said yes once he went to a massage place in Derby and payed for a HJ and regretted it. So he’s obviously ok with doing this in these places, so how can I believe he now just keeps his pants on and battles these gorgeous young women off his boner when they are making advances for extra money?
So he’s hid this all from me for 7 months, frequented the most seedy back street Thai massage parlours in the Midlands including one that my friend said is a well known brothel that runs also as a hotel, after saying he would never go to those places and only ever goes to reputable sports masssge places, and put himself in a position where women touch his body and try sell HJs and BJs and probably worse and every times he’s kept on his boxers and said ‘oh no sorry love! I’m married! Just the deep tissue massage please!’ And done this twice monthly! Sometimes 2 times a week! He even had one on a Friday and one on a Monday one week!
Im so broken! I honestly feel like this might kill me, and I’m worried how safe he’s been and if I’m just riddled and my life is over.
He says it was a mistake, won’t happen again, and if I have a big heart I will forgive him.
And this is a man who due to his religion won’t pay 5p a month interest on his savings; but will happy pay £200 a month maybe more to known sex workers.
Please help.