How can i love dd2's dad?Really wanted to make this work.Bit long sorry.

[mumtobe2]

Feeling really fed up today as dd2 dad is coming to visit (lives 70 miles away)Got pg when we had just met and even though i wanted the baby was on my own most of pregnancy wasnt sure i wanted to be with him.We have been trying to make"a go of it"past few months but just not feeling "it".Infact havent felt"it"for anyone for years.How can i fall in love with him.He is a good bloke and would treat us well although im the one who has the house etc dont mean financially.Just wish he could provide for me.Only a bit would do.No one has ever done that made me feel safe.Always been the one with the house,money etc in all my relationships.That tells me he isnt the one for me as i wouldnt care about money if i truly loved him,i know that.

i think you already know the answer, though i can hear how tempting it is to 'settle' for something that you are not feeling. While love can grow over time and sudden overwhelming hearts and flowers stuff is not imo what makes the long term, I think you would know by now if love was there. good luck. counselling might help a bit with some of this (but i would say that coz i am a counsellor!)

Do you mean couples counselling?

no meant for you really.

God have had sooo much counselling.Had one for couple of years that only stopped seeing 6 months ago.I really got on well with him too.But still in same place.I wonder whether its me stopping this relationship happening but just dont feel close to him at all.Feel he isnt giving me what i want in a relationship.I only see him when he comes to visit twice a month and in between times i feel i want to be talking about "things".Having deep conversations about life and what we want out of the relationship etc but we dont.We only talk about "surface"things.Practical things.Not about us.Feel like there is something missing.But feel so sad if cant work this out.

it sounds difficult for you to see if it is something in the relationship missing or something with you that is blocking the connection that you need. back to the counsellor? these things can take a looong time to work out.

I was a single mum for 8 years,when I got divorced.We split up when I was 3 months pregnant.

I think it obviously took me some time emotionally to get over this.

I joined a Dating Agency when my DS was nearly a year old and met alot of people,I didnt have any chemistry with any of them,didn't feel anything at all.

Finally when my DS was 6 I met my now DH,at first things were no different,except he seemed to be the only one that genuinely was interested in my DS (not in a way to try and score points with me.)

My DH wasn't stunning looking,or anything special,but to me he was "perfect" in lots of ways.

The one thing that worried me was there was no "passion" in our relationship.

But I can honestly say that because everything else was great,this came later.

With my ExH,I fancied him rotten,we had a great life initially going out all the time etc.but he was an "eternal Peter Pan",never wanted the things that "Committed Adults" usually want out of life eventually,such as a nice home and family.

My DH wanted all these things,and because of all this "I fell in love" with him,it was very gradual,and I didn't notice.But during our first "married" Tiff,I realised that I never wanted to be without him.

When i was at school I did R.E,and I remember that people in the religion that have "arranged marriages" hav a saying that....
In the West Love is Hot and grows cold, in the East Love is Cold and grows Warm...

Good Luck

Well am due to be starting some cbt very soon as had bad attack of ocd post natally(currently on 100mg sertraline)Not going to sort out relationships though is it?

Really Sawyer64 that is what i wanted to happen.I know he would go the distance with me he would really try.He has stook by this for long enough already even when i wasnt interested.Many other guys would have walked baby or no baby.
I know he would want what i want ,happy family life,another child, sibling for dd2(dd1 is almost 14 and has another dad)We like similar things and are same age and he isnt bad looking at all.Just dont get that passioniate feeling for him i so want to feel.I so envy people who say there dp "grew"on them.Want that to happen to me.(btw met him on dating site!)

You can't make yourself fall in love with him.

o gosh mispelt stuck ooops!

I know but it would be so the happy end i wish for.Really do believe if i can turn my back on him,a good bloke then am going to be on my own forever.

Sawyer like that saying you had in R.E.Wish i do it the Eastern way.

could do it

No, maybe not.

But looking back I can see I didn't "love"
my DS the way I love my new DD's (with DH).

I must have had "emotional scars",which
affected my ability to give my DS and any
else unconditional love.

Not being any expert in these things,but I would guess that if the "mind" isn't as healthy and happy as it could be,then natural feelings will be held in.

Yes do feel i have emotional scars tho dont we all?That really worries me that im too "damaged" to love anyone ever.

I'd disagree.
With time and the right person showing you Love,Trust and Security you want and learn to give it back.

I never knew what any of that was with Ex H.

With DH,it took time for me to "see" and "feel" these things were in this relationship,and when I did thats what convinced me.