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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm so pi$$ed off with DH......I'm not being unreasonable...he is but of course he'd NEVER see that.

5 replies

ImtheTrainDriversWife · 30/06/2008 08:03

This could be hideously long so apologies if it turns out to be. I've also namecahnged , but one thats reasonably obvious if you know MNers

Abut of background first.

MIL hated me, she accused me of staying with DH to get her money, said ds1 wasn't DHs, called me names, slagged off my family, ignored us in teh street....a whole load of stuff resulting in me stopping her from see the children. Dh would always say it was the drink, she never meant any of it which is ridiculous because there isn't a drunk person on earth who could lie....IMO/IME drink makes you dangerously honest.
I NEVER said DH couldn't see her but he didn't for teh last 18months or so of her life. His choice. Not mine.
I was relieved when she died because I thought I'd be free. I thought it'd be over.

So, yesterday we go to a car boot sale and dH gets acall from BIL asking him to come and look at aboat some one was selling (BIL was atthe boatsale too) DH dutifully trotts over to meet him.

They arrange with teh bloke to go a see it later in teh day and then bid on it if tehy like it (it was on Ebay too)

They see it, like it and come home to bid on it.

I'd already told DH that I think he's mad to even concider it. He has 3 kyaks in teh garden for a start. Neither of them knwo teh 1st thing about motorboats so I think its ridiculous.

SIL says she thinsk they are mad too. There about 5 minutes left on teh auction and we try to tell them how mad they are being.

I say they no nothing about boats, nothing about maintaining it, its dangerous etc etec etc. NOway are the children going on it.

BIL raises his voice at me saying he's sailed a baot with ropes and sails etc, why is this more dangerous...they've gotto start somewhere etc etc.

I did have a slightly louder voice then normal but its my house. BIL was IMO a little aggressive with his tine which I thiught was waaaaaay out of order.

DfuckingH just stood there giggling.

The organ grinder and teh monkey springs to mind TBH.

Anyway they were outbid on it so until tehy find another one its over but I feel sooooo let down by DH all over again. I asked him not to buy it, I told him why and he just stands there liek a lemon letting BIL decide.

It feels exactly how it was with MIL. DH never defended me, alwasy said she didn't mean it and yesterday while all thsi was going off in my kitchen he just stood there giggling.

I told him this morning that he was out of order, and asked how he would feel if I was going to do something that he concidered dangerous and foolish only for me to ignore him and giggle when someone else uses aggressive tones.

He said I took it the wrong way.

FFS.

Its MIL revisited.

I have HUGE issues because of teh way she treated me. Massive issues that prob need professioanl help to be properly laid to rest.
Dh just thinks that becaquse shes dead it shoudl be over, I don't need to worry about it anymore.
Its not taht easy. Apart from teh fact we have 4 children, Dh works shioft how teh bloody hell I;d arrange any pro help is beyond me.

Having him giggling and giong along with everything BIL said yesterday felt so disappointing.

I'm fed up it all TBH

Prob loads of typos in that....sorry.

OP posts:
ImtheTrainDriversWife · 30/06/2008 08:35

Are youall fed up with my crap relationship with Dh?

OP posts:
Flier · 30/06/2008 08:37

sorry you're feeling so bad - but harbouring so much pent up emotion about things isn't good for you. it just eats up inside of you.

Flamesparrow · 30/06/2008 08:38

Awww, I have no idea what to say, but didn't want you all ignored.

I take it he isn't a nervous giggler? My sister can't stop herself from laughing in any situation she finds uncomfortable...

ImtheTrainDriversWife · 30/06/2008 08:45

actually reading back there isn't anything anyone can say I don't think.

I know its not healthy to have so many issues about her. I realsied that when she was still alive.

I just HATE HATE HATE teh fact that dh never see it as a problem, and yesterday was just like it was back then(on a much smaller scale though admittedly)

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 30/06/2008 11:26

I think you may win the worst MIL competition TrainDriversWife (fab name )

Is there any chance you can get some professional help with this? I know dh works shifts but there might be something in the evening yuo could attend? Have a look online for counselling in your area (although you'd probably have to pay - maybe if you're spending a fortune on therapy dh won't be able to afford his stupid farking boat!) cause I think it'd really be beneficial for you.

Nothing really of any practical use to add though, sorry.

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