Family time - how do you manage your family time?

[Pavlovthecat]

DH and I have not done anything together with DD since last sunday (we had a great day at Fingle Bridge in Devon). We both work, me 32 hours, him 24 hours, he works shifts, and this week his shifts are early. DD has been unwell and been sick a lot so the house has needed to be cleaned more which has taken a lot more time.

DH went out last night while I had a girlie night, and came home at 1:30am, even though he had to get up for work at 6:30am, and consequently today at work he is tired. So he does not want to go out and do anything today. I am going to take DD to the beach on my own. yesterday I took DD to the park on my own. Friday, both our days off, we tidied the house, Wednesday afternoon, both had off work, he spent the afternoon on the computer, DD and I played in the garden and read books together. Thursday evening we both went to a friends house where DD played with another toddler, DD and friends DP played computer games while the girls looked after the children.

So how do you organise/manage your family time? A set time each week? Once a week? Less than once a week?What do you do when it is 'family' time? If there are two parents that work, how does that affect family time? Do you ever put your own personal time before family time if time is limited? Do you often do things with your children separately to your partner/husband/wife (if you are in a relationship).

bump?

(not) out of choice we do everything with the kids (have NO help)

we have a strong relationship but never have time alone, bar a snatched half hour when kids are in bed

we get by, as probably most people do, but yearn for some personel time with adult company, like each other

ssd - like you we spend all our time with DD, I just wonder whether we should/could do more together with her. Not sure if that makes sense. I will try to explain what I mean. We will spend a day cleaning the house, washing up, dusting, hoovering, cooking, washing, drying, etc etc. DD is there, with us, playing, with us, on her own, around us. We are responsible for her. When I work, DH looks after her or she is in nursery (one day a week), and when DH is working, I look after her. On the days we have together, i wonder if we should spend more time doing things together - beach/woods/swimming, rather than seperately.

I am also wondering whether DH should forfeit his afternoon in front of the tele as he is tired, given that it was his choice to go out til so late last night, and its not DDs fault, she should not miss out. She is going to the beach, but it wont be with mummy and daddy.

Or perhaps this is normal, its interesting to hear other ways of doing it too.

Currently dh and I have no time together with the kids, so I'm not the person to answer this thread really! we're both working so much with our own business, that the kids only get to see one of us at a time.....but this afternoon when he finishes work about 4.30 then they will get a quality 3 hours of us together in the same house! which will be spent eating I imagine, then cuddling on the sofa.

Frizbe - you are exactly the person to answer this thread! do you find it works ok like that, or do you get frustrated with the lack of time as a family? Does it work out ok in terms of family unity, happiness?

Do you ever choose to spend those 3 hours as a family doing something on your own instead? Or do you always sacrifice your own free time for time as a whole family, even if this happens rarely?

Oh ok!
do you get frustrated with the lack of time as a family?

Yes I do, and he does sometimes, but we see it as a necessary evil for the time being, as eventually the business will be built up and things will be better for us all, hopefully more money and more leisuretime and the kids will be old enough to enjoy it.

Does it work out ok in terms of family unity, happiness?

Yes, we're all fairly happy, there are a few moments when the kids would rather the other person be at home with them, so if they get like that, we have the luxury of being able to swap over (working for ourselves) which not everyone has.

Do you ever choose to spend those 3 hours as a family doing something on your own instead?

We try to keep the Sunday as family time, although two weeks ago, dh and I ditched the kids with a mate and went to the Cinema instead! a whole film to ourselves!

Or do you always sacrifice your own free time for time as a whole family, even if this happens rarely?

To be honest we hardly have any free time to ourselves at present. I go to the gym on Tuesday nights for 2 hours, then back to work for an hour! whilst dh is at home with the kids. We see each other on Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights and later on Friday nights too either of which dh is free to choose to use for himself and sometimes he does, though mainly online! lol As you can see, we don't get any daytime free together to spend with the kids at the mo, bar 3 hrs Sunday afternoon....but this is not a long term plan, just something we have to work with for now. Hth's

We rarely spend time together as a whole family, tbh. If me and DH are both at home together, you can guarantee that one or other of the boys (or all three) have something to do.

DH works ft shifts including weekends, I work more or less school hours (whole year), and we often do things with the children separately, else they just wouldn't get done.

It seems that perhaps I am lucky that we get to do things as a family as often as we should!

I think I felt a bit, I dont know, put out that DH put himself in a position where he was going to be tired today, and meant he would not be up for doing anything as a family, but we did go out on sunday, all of us, and it seems like that might be not too long ago compared to some people!

Dh is not at all concerned about it, I am not concerned as such, and think I am wanting it all .

Well yes, I can understand why would annoy you although tbh, it's more likely to be me to do something similar...

Think you have to remember to have make time for yourselves, as well as for the family.

unknownrebelbang - last night we had time for ourselves. Me, the first time, i think probably ever, that I have stayed in without being responsible for dd if she woke up, which she is doing a bit atm - DH took her with him and I had a girly night, we drank cava and watched Memoirs of a Geisha and ate haagen das. It was bliss. He went round to a friend's and played x-box until 1am!

So I guess there are sacrifices - if we want us/me time, it may come at a price to the family time.

Whereas I've spent the weekend chauffeuring the boys round to their various activities whilst DH suns himself in Majorca for the duration.

He's back late tonight, and back on shift on Tuesday, grrrr. One hopes he doesn't have a hangover as he'll be rather busy tomorrow....

I will get my space, just not sure when, lol.

unknownrebelbang! What is he doing in Majorca without you?

My DH works at least 10 hours a day and has a horrendous commute into the bargain - he sees almost nothing of the kids during the week so weekends are set aside almost entirely to spend together with them...sometimes we don't do anything that exciting, today all had a full english, we played frisbee and went for a hill walk. At the mo they're all on the PS2.
I feel sorry sometimes because he has no leisure time- just work and kids. But he is hugely ambitious and it is his choice to do the job he does.
HB x

He's on a stag do, pavlov.

Unknownrebelbang - so he has some time to himself, Litchick - so your DH spends his free time with the family.

Its interesting. I wonder whether because DH looks after DD during the week, he has had enough of it by the time we get time off together, wants me to 'do my share' perhaps

We spend almost all the weekend all together, from Friday when my partner gets in from work (around 7.30 pm) until Monday morning when he leaves for work (8 am). The only regular exception is when my partner goes to play tennis on Sunday mornings (about 3 hours all told). He also comes back from work early on Wednesdays, when my stepsons come for the night - he picks them up at 4.30 pm and we spend the rest of the day/evening all together.

We spend nearly every evening together too, but they aren't long - he gets in just before 8 pm and we normally start going to bed at around 10 pm, so there isn't time for much more than dinner, a quick clear up and a chat.

My dp and I both work ft with dd in nursery but every minute otherwise is spent together. During the week after work (and nursery) we potter about the house and at weekends we make sure that we get out the house together at least once per day.

Weekends include woodland walks, picnics, parks, the beach, family and of course the humdrum like shopping, housework and fixing things.

My DH, DD and I tend to spend the majority of our weekends as a unit. If DH or I have a special reason to do something alone then we arrange it in advance but that is quite rare. Usually we all go to the park together, or the pool together or (most often) round to friends' or family for the day.

TBH I find it depressing being alone with DD at the weekends - whereas I am fine on my two days off during the week. I have made this very clear to DH and he agrees that he too enjoys activities with DD alot more if we do those activities as a family.

We are not joined at the hip though. For example, most weekends we all go to the gym together but I look after DD in the play area/cafe while DH works out and then vice versa - but after we have both worked out we all play in the gym playground for 30 mins or so.

i work 3 days, dh full time. we have 2 ds.
they go to nursery/school on the 3 days i work. the 2 days i have off..i spend with the ds...fitting in housework around as and when. we ususlly do park, bike rides, play in garden, playdates.
at the weekend we spend time as a family and do mostly everything as a 4. we (dh and I) hardly ever get time to do our own thing..ie gym, clothes shopping, sport. if we want to we usually do it after ds in bed. so our weekends are nearly all family time, with us sometimes doing odd jobs in house/garden in between picnics, bike rides, beach, park, etc. hth

we spend 6 out of 7 evenings together.
We are very protective of our time together.
So at weekends, we get as much done as we can house wise early in the morning then have the rest of the day together.
We frequently decide that on xx day we will go to the local beauty spots with a picnic. Go for a bike ride or go to the park.
Today we stayed home but the ils came for a roast and have stayed for the whole day almost...this i class as family time as well.
Even if we go to Ikea, we are together.

seperate nights out, with either me or dh are lanned well in advance and each of us agrees that the following day is for recovery BUT should be a day to ourselves because we believe that we need our own individual time and space as well.
This only happens about 3 times a year though.

We fell into the trap of TV, internet taking up time. So we now do not do this.
I am adamant that all this other stuff will not eat into our family time. DH loves football/bike racing etc and would sit and watch them all day every day if allowed!
When ds is in bed, we will internet/TV etc.
I am out in the conservatory now on here while dh is watching his bike racing that he taped earlier in the week.
We will go to bed tonight together.

This is something that i feel very strongly about, and have discussed with dh who agrees that our priority is our family time together.

My main reason for this is that ds is growing SO fast, he is nearly 5 and the years have just fallen away, he is no longer a baby/toddler/little chap, blink and we miss it.
I want him to have happy memories of us all together doing stuff, and know that he is part of our unit.

blathering on now but this is my soap box

Yes he does pavlov, and although I've not ventured as far as Majorca, I do too. In fact, DH I don't think has done anything by himself since his last trip 12 months ago (maybe one night out?) although he does call the pub after governors' meetings, does that count, as the boys would usually be in bed by then anyway? Whereas I'll nip out for a couple of hours here and there fairly regularly, and have the odd night away meeting up with friends (probably 2/3 a year).

He does spend time looking after the boys, and we do spend some time together as a family unit but not a regular set pattern because of his shifts, the boys' activities which are quite time consuming, and our other commitments.

Oh I do things with the the Dc's Dh doesn't really get involved.. he tends to sidle away from this part of family life!

We don't do anything together..not my choice.

that didn't really help did it? sorry

meant to ad..
so do something.. make the time to fit it in.. don't end up like me.

Last night we both had me time, seperately at the same time for the first time since DD was born, and it was great.

I think today I felt a bit annoyed, that DH would prefer to watch tele than walk on the beach with his wife and daughter! But as it happened, DD and I had a great time, and DH had cooked for when we got back.

We do have family time, and when we do, its great, it just sometimes feels that others spend much more time doing things than us. I am afraid of losing this time I guess.

Its good to know that finding time to fit us time/me time/family time/work/cleaning is difficult for most people.

As a single mum, I have the DD's 24/7.

Most of the time the kids are sat in front of the tele, and I'm busy surfing.

On the odd occassion, especially Saturdays, I will get up early and sneak into the kitchen to make a picnic. Sandwiches in the bag, crisps and a drink. Then I go in the front room turn the tele off, met with wails of 'oooooooooooh muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum'
But when we get off the tube at some random place and look at a museum, or a walk and take in the sights, we find a nice park and sit down and have our lunch.

I'd do it more often if the dd's didn't bloody argue so much.

Family time and 'you' time is hard, but with a routine and a TON of delegation, it can work.
It does work.

I think you need to chill out a little and just aprreciate the little things in life.
Stop stressing about others doing things, and concentrate on your own family. Sure sounds like your both doing a grand job from what I've read. Keep it up girl!