I just found a video of my husband cheating... devastated.

[Zehra]

Me& baby always up before hubby. He suddenly has two mobiles so I looked in the gallery section and found a recent video of him receiving oral from his brothers babysitter.

We have been together 5 yrs, married 2. In that time we have had lot's of problems. He is addicted the cannabis, always in debt and not very good at contributing to baby or our bills. Only 3 weeks ago I asked him to leave and he begged me to forgive him and promised he would be the father and husband we deserve.

We have been living at his parents until the house we brought is decorated. We are due to move in next week and I'm scared that if I confront him now I won't be able to move into the house - I have been paying for it you see but we jointly own it. Also, his mum has been recoverd from a heart attack.

I don't know what to do, I feel sick and I am shaking. Totally and utterly devasted and humiliated.

I would move in today and change the locks, if you cant move in today, change the locks at least and dump him.
Seek legal advice tomorrow.
Could you honestly be with a man that cheats on you, this might not have been the first time he's done it (then again it might, but who knows). If you stayed with him, could you trust him if he went out.
Is it fair to put the baby through this?

Make a plan and you will feel a little better. Do not say anything to him and act as normally as possible. Photocopy all documents - bank statements, house docs everything. Go see a lawyer. Go see the CB.

Then decide what you want to do.

Good luck.

Thank you all for youe support and words of wisdom. I have calmed down a bit now and have decided that I am going to keep quiet, move in and then get rid of him. I have been weighing up bringing my baby up without him v with him for a while and while I know what parents who are together is best, I actually think she will be better off if we are not together. I really don't think I can forgive him. I do feel so sad for our daughter, I have wonderful parents and I am gutted she will have to grow up without her dad living with her. Then again he is nothing like my dad. Thanks again ladies. I wish you all a fanstastic Sunday.xx

Good Luck! You are doing the right thing.

Good luck Zehra, let us know how you are getting on. Be strong!

get rid of him, take everything you've worked for- he wont change- ive been there....

So sorry to hear this has happened Zehra, Keep us updated and I wish you all the strength and luck that you need

Do you know how old the babysitter is?

Just concerned, as they are usually young.

Good Luck to you, be strong

Zehra, who's to say she won't grow up with a father figure there? Of course it's better if a child has 2 parents, but that doesn't mean the parents have to be biologically related.

If you stay you will only become more humiliated. If you leave, you leave with your dignity intact. Your family and friends will celebrate for you and congratulate you on having the strength to end it all.

If you have bank statements that show you have paid for the mortgage, then the court will award you the house, especially since you have a baby. He won't be able to afford it by himself so I doubt he will try and move in.

You might want to warn his brother about their babysitter though.

he sounds like a complete twat.

Sorry and all that. I'm not one of the MN who shouts 'dump him' at the first problem, but what a farking loser

see a lawyer and good luck in ditching the bastard

Zehra, it is better for a baby/child to have one happy loving parent than two parents who are not happy. You will be fine, you are strong and in control, and you and your baby will be better off without him!

I'm sorry, Zehra, but filming yourself receiving oral sex when you're married with kids is pretty damn low.

He sounds like a twat in many other respects.

I think you need to dump him for your own sanity.

Do you really want the added stress of a mortage with someone who is always in debt and horrible with money?

what a seedy horrible thing to do and to record it as well. you're doing the right thing, you don't need someone like that and neither does your dd. don't look back and good luck.

oh, dear god how horrible. Do you have any support nearby? Can you go to some? The only advice I can think of is to ring citizens advice and they will help you see what steps you have to take if you wanted to leave him.

be careful about the plan of 'getting rid' - I only say that as I have been asking my partner to leave for over a year now and it's become very obvious that it is me and Ds that will need to leave. Be very careful of becoming finaicially dependent. It will hurt like fu*k anyway, but that's the least of your problems really. Good luck

Just read you r post Expat (it's MT) and agree - do not take a morgage out with this man - that will bind you more than anything - it will become more hellish thann you can imagine trying to negotiate yourself out of it.

I know you must be shitting yourself, but maybe try to think of it this way...You probably still have deep feelings for him - they don;t just pop and evaporate like the trust does after something like this. Taking a spet back, maybe even seperating does not mean forever and ever. The house will wait, he may stop being such a .....but I think it wise that you use time as your weapon. It's not over till the fat lady sings, and this soudn like it's just the beginning to me...so don;t be afriad to give him a worse shock than you have had and to stand your ground. This won;t be respolved quickly, use the time wisely.