Was calling my miscarriage a defective pregnancy unnecessarily hurtful?

[Rivaa]

My boyfriend of 8 months and I were chatting about life, children, families, what might have happened had we made different choices, after a few drinks over the weekend.

He knew I had a miscarriage over 10 years ago, that it was physically and emotionally scarring as it was at 3 months. I was just about to have my scan about 5 days after it happened. The father didn't come... It was a long distance situation and we eventually broke up over a combination of factors.

I totally missed the boat to have any children. He has 7 from two previous relationships. Plus grandchildren.

It came up in conversation and he said "Oh... The defective pregnancy". It clearly must have been for the miscarriage to happen, but the way he pointed it out so coldly felt bloody cruel.

Or am I overreacting?

He is tickling and jump-scaring you, because that is "acceptable" and "just joking". But it is still a display of power over you.

As @AttilaTheMeerkat said, this type of man just hates all women. It is not about you.

7 kids?! Girl fucking run for those hills

From your post, it sounded to me like he'd already heard from you what happened and had filed it in his memory under that title. (Oh. That story. Yes you've already told me about that.) Like he didn't want you to remind him.

"Defective" is a very cold and dismissive way of describing what happened. He doesn't know what caused the miscarriage. He's speaking about a human, not a product.

The shouting in your ear.. was it supposed to be testing if you really couldn't hear him?

Bit of an unsympathetic way of phrasing it, maybe he’s just shit with words, maybe he wanted a reaction or maybe he’s just a twat, does he always phrase things with a lack of empathy?

Oh God!!! That's horrendous!!
Is that even a medical term? It just sounds so unkind!

Some years ago, a friend of mine was desperately upset by her GP referring to her miscarriage as a spontaneous abortion.

The scientific/medical term for it is spontaneous abortion.

Most of us will know that. But nobody who's just had a miscarriage wants to be told they've had an abortion.

Based on this, it does sound as if the mask is slipping, OP. At least you are aware enough to question his behaviour. Be mindful and maybe take a bit of space for yourself. Feel better.

He sounds really childish also. That would give me the infamous Mumsnet Ick