Partner has changed his mind about trying for a baby

[Betsy21]

Hi all, I am looking for some advice please. I moved in with my partner just over 3 months ago now. We have spoke throughout our relationship about having kids (I don't have kids but partner has a 6 y/o daughter). Both of us have been open to the idea and agreed we would revisit the chat after seeing how living together goes. We have had a few loose chats on having a baby, more recently we spoke and agreed about me coming off of contraception and would start TTC. Within the space of a couple of days he wanted to have a chat to which he has expressed he doesn't know if he wants kids. He has says that he is concerned of his age (39), he wants to travel more with me, the lack of sleep etc. I questioned this further and he says that he struggles with change (as we're discussing getting our own house together too) and that's what scares him.
When he expressed this to me I was in total shock, he has never once raised these concerns to me, I actually feel a bit blindsided as I feel that I have built up a picture of our shared future with kids and he ultimately isn't sure if that's what he wants. I feel like the rug has been pulled from under my feet. If he does turnaround after having thought about this and he does decide he wants kids how can I believe that's what he wants and isn't just trying to please me? As he has said previously that he believes every woman has the right to have the chance at being a mum. I love my partner dearly, however this has totally rocked me more than I expected, as I thought we were on the same page going forward.

How long should I leave this on the table for? I don't want to be unreasonable but I need answers sooner rather than later. I suppose I'm just looking to vent and some sort of advice from people that have been in a similar situation?

Thanks in advance.

Great that you are still young enough to meet someone new and have a baby, and also financially stable.
This is really hard for you, but at least he has told you in time.
Best of luck to you OP.

Easy to be a brilliant dad for a few hours a week. How brilliant was he before his divorce? How brilliant is he going to be with all that travelling he wants to do “with you”? He is telling you he sees children (including his own) as restricting his freedom.

Run for the hills because even if he does agree, you will be left holding the baby.

Your partner is a fucking bellend. I'm sorry OP, but I think it's very likely that part of your appeal for him, despite him saying he was open to having more kids, was the fact that you currently don't have any but he didn't want to tell you that, as then he would have lost you.

He should never have agreed to you coming off contraception like that. Honestly, I think I'd leave someone over that casual regard to my body. Like many men, I think he probably assumed that if having a child was no longer convenient for them, that their partner could just get an abortion (and all the heartache or risks that could cause her). At your age in particular, that pregnancy could be your last.

Leave. As soon as you can. Super cruel to wait until you have moved in and then change his mind. That enough would be unforgivable, seems planned.
Don't let him take motherhood away from you because he already has a child.

“Both of us have been open to the idea and agreed we would revisit the chat after seeing how living together goes.”

Not sure why he’s being slated for sticking to his side of the agreement. He gave it a go and decided not to have more kids, that’s his right.

You got yourself a future faker. Time to cut your losses and bail out.

He let her come off contraception and then dropped this bombshell a few days later!
That's pretty shit. OP could even be pregnant.

Move back out and dump him.

If you want kids don't allow him to waste anymore of your time.

He is entitled to decide that he does not want anymore children but should not expect you to stick around in the hope that he might reconsider.

The fact that he waited until you moved in to have this conversation with you is not acceptable either.

How much active parenting does really he do ? You say he wants to travel with you (as opposed to going on holidays) - what are his plans for his daughter during that carefree time?

If I were you, OP, I would get a fertilty MOT now and consider freezing some eggs now.

(speaking as someone who considered doing that, didn't, and now regrets it).

Can anyone whose child is merely a weekend visitor be honestly described as a brilliant parent?

Believe him, he wants freedom and has left childrearing to his kids mother

Not sure he has changed his mind but irrlevant really as I would leave in your position