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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling foolish after being misled by a man from my club

28 replies

creativepebble · Yesterday 13:54

So I've been lurking for a while, and I really want to reach out to see if anybody else has experienced this sort of thing and who may be able to help me feel less alone and stupid.
Met this guy, literally a week ago (we're both in 50s, post divorce) at a sports club. Electric feelings, lots of flirting etc. We went for a (daytime) drink which was fun, then met for a walk yesterday. He was very complementary, very flirty, but I noticed he didn't ask much about me which was a red flag.
Back to his, and then cutting a very embarrassing and painful story short, it's clear he basically just wants a fuck buddy. He was rough with me and my body as we were fumbling, then I realised, then I left. Having a fuck buddy is fine but not for me, and not the impression I got. I am trying really hard not to feel too much of a dickhead for not reading the signs and being really gullible having romanticized things. It feels as if I basically threw myself at him, in fact, I did at the end, for shame...
It's been 7 years since I divorced and I was with someone for a year about 3 years ago, so I don't often date. I'm open to dating IRL not online, but this has really knocked my confidence. I'm finding it so hard to move past the feelings of being really objectified and played, and feel really angry with him, and myself for getting into this situation.
I know that I will see this man again at the club, and I will be able to rise above it I hope, but I feel like such a fool for completely fantasizing about a future with this person after a few days, I mean, that's ridiculous isn't it? I mean, how do you 'get over' things? How can I make myself more resilient? And where are the eligible, kind gentlemen?!?
Thank you.

OP posts:
Huckleberries · Yesterday 19:21

Hiredgun · Yesterday 18:57

Boggles my mind why a guy would start rough. What happened to taking it slow. Too many guys think every woman wants a Mr Grey thing.

Hope you’re ok.

Maybe I read too much on here but the younger people in my life tell me this as well

This doesn’t seem to be uncommon

EMUKE · Yesterday 19:24

OP I’m glad you have realised that’s not something you want and you know your worth. It’s refreshing. Head up, tits up and get back to F*cking it up. Remember who you are Queen!!!! Still got it.

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 22:18

Ah I'm so sorry you've had this horrible experience 😢 don't blame yourself and don't feel embarrassed, he just sounds nasty and rough and not for you. You did exactly the right thing walking away when you did!

There are decent men out there - take your time getting to know someone and don't be rushed. You are going to be fine 💐

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