What would you think if you found out dp had been watching these videos?

[PotatoCrunch]

I recently had to use dp phone to look up a tutorial so went onto the YouTube app. The usual motorbike and diy videos popped up but when I went to the search bar there were previous search terms. One of them ( which I’m not going to share here) was a ASMR type video. I enjoy watching ASMR videos but dp has always laughed and said they are odd.
After I finished, I mentioned to Dp that I didn’t know he liked ASMR and could recommend him a few of my favorite channels. He looked oddly at me and then went a bit red. I said that I saw he’s searched for an ASMR video.
He said it must have been a mistake and left it at that.

When I searched up the channel after it wasn’t quite what I thought it was. The thumbnails were of a woman bent over and a very provocative style. A lot of them were also titled as role play with her being your girlfriend.

I haven’t mentioned to dp that I’ve seen her content as I don’t really know how to approach it. I feel angry that he’s watching this and lying about it. I think what is upset me also is that he’s watching videos where someone is pretending to be his girlfriend.

What should I say to him? It’s quite disrespectful in my opinion.

It’s just looking . And thinking . As long as it stays there don’t worry about it . Come on, haven’t you looked at another man and thought mmmm ? You wouldn’t dream of taking it further . All men look at other women. Most have the manners to be discreet about it or hide behind sunglasses 😎.

No not really, I mean you see a handsome man and think they are good looking objectively but not that I want to get with them. That said I’m probably just super demi sexual.

But it's often not about wanting to get with the person you're admiring, it's just a case if 'ooh, he's gorgeous'. There are threads on here from women all the time about dreams they've had of random strangers or celebs - it's very normal to find other people attractive no matter how long you've been in a relationship.

Yeah I guess. I think maybe it’s just a me problem. Earlier in my life I was always second best - daughter/friend/girlfriend and he never made me feel like that. Now I just feel like that all the time. Obviously a me thing.

That's really sad. I hope you find happiness

The majority of porn involves involves violence against women. Men who watch porn enjoy seeing women being abused . I think it's you who is being naive if you think men watch porn to see women naked. It's about seeing women hurt and violated.
Men who watch porn don't do it because they like women, or admire them. They watch it because they are misogynists who see women just as sex objects

Youtube is vanilla so not sure he found what he was after

I would find this disrespectful and also deeply unattractive behaviour. I would have to ask him what was going on for him that he is viewing women like objects in this way.
The staring at women in public would also be a issue and untill he did some work on himself to understand why this is deeply inappropriate behaviour and put in place a plan to stop it happening. I wouldn't accompany him anywhere.

I'd be wanting some reassurance that this wasn't the tip of the iceberg and secretly he is up to all sorts.

ASMR channels I follow are all tapping and ‘you’ve had a hard day let me talk softly about hairpins’ or whatever and distinctly unsexy, however some creators have obviously exploited the gap there always is commercially to make anything sexy and have made videos that are more sensual and intimate 🤷‍♀️

Did you post this before?

She's not pretending to be his girlfriend. She doesn't know him from Adam.

It seems fairly innocuous stuff, soft porn at most, compared to the hard porn out there or OnlyFans or something like that.

If it's a dealbreaker for you, fair enough, just get on with the dumping, stop posting the same thread.

There's men doing ASMR boyfriend stuff too. It's not porn.

The majority of porn does not involve violence towards women . Most men watch FMF or group or lesbian porn ,as they like to imagine themselves as being part of the action . The majority of content on only fans are couples in relationships and single women who can make a lot of money and get to keep it for themselves. They are also in control of their content.

Good morning,
For all those referring to a previous post that was me.
I was incredibly low at the time and i am improving everyday. Anyway I still stand by my post. There are particular asmr posts that are sexual..... ie girl whispering you are not alone I am here for you
It is upsetting it is intimate. It does feel sexual especially some of the content. We are allowed to be upset by it. No advice really just be open and honest about how you feel xxx

ASMR is not sexual so l'd guess the stuff he's watching is trying to promote itself under that label. ASMR (it stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) is a tingling sensation that usually begins in your scalp and then travels down your spine. It calms and relaxes you and is triggered by certain gentle sounds. Not everyone experiences it but it helps reduce stress and anxiety and is often used to promote relaxation and sleep. The channel you have seen sounds like it's soft porn masquerading as ASMR.