What am I doing wrong??

[Smallestwomanthateverlived]

So managed to get myself out of a very messy abusive relationship where I was basically a sex doll that cleaned up after him. Since leaving the relationship 2 men have shown some interest in me- one found my social media after taking to me at an event and basically propositioned me in his first message, the second I've been chatting to for 2 weeks, invited me round to his house for a "first date" and was basically trying to take my clothes off before I even walked in through the door. Been no chat about anything sexual before hand. What is wrong with me that I just give men the impression that all I'm good for is sex. I try really hard to be nice and have fun and be kind. Do I just give off a vibe or something?? I think I'll just have to stay away from men forever as they only ever want one thing.

You're doing nothing wrong, OP. Nothing at all. This is on the men in question, it sounds like you've had a run of sleazebuckets but it's not on you.

I'm guessing the abusive relationship may have done a number on your self-confidence, but you deserve better than these creeps. Some men just go through life hoping to get the green light from women without having to put in any effort or show women any respect, unfortunately. Hope your luck improves, sounds to me like you're overdue a decent man in your life! 🙂

You may have boundary issues. Going to someone's house for a first date is a no no. It sends the wrong message. Always have first dates in a public place! Have you spoken to a therapist or counsellor since you left the abusive relationship? Do you have someone mature to discuss adult relationships with?

There is a difference in being nice and being kind. No first dates or even 2nd or 3rd dates at someone's house. It is low effort on the man's side and they think you are up for sex.

I think the idea of going to his for a first date is off, I’m not saying by any means that you going means you consented or owe him sex but it will definitely give the impression it’s more of a sex based thing imo.
If you want dating leading to an actual relationship try going on traditional dates, dinner etc.

It’s them but as PPs have said: work on your boundaries. You should meet in public for at least the first 2-3 dates. Going to a strange man’s house isn’t safe; plus an invitation to someone’s house is for many men code for being an invitation to have sex. This infinite about “shark cages” may be helpful to you.

https://thesharkcage.com/

Look up shark cage theory.

Basically, you're not attracting men like this. Men like this will contact women indiscriminately, like a shark swimming around butting it's head against various shark cages until it finds a weak bar on one and gets in.

So, the man who propositioned you in his first message. He was just a chancer who wil do that sort of thing all the time.

The second man, that's a boundary issue on your part. If you'd said no to a date at his house, he wouldn't have bothered with you again because he was only after sex.

An old friend of mine revealed that, when he was younger, he and his friend would go out on the pull and randomly approach women asking, "Fancy a fuck?" The majority of women said no but he said that more than you'd think said yes.

It was shitty behaviour on their part but none of the women had a neon sign over their heads. The only difference between the them was that most said no and a few said yes.

Maybe take things a bit more slowly how was your ex abusive, maybe you need awhile to sort your life out before going back into another relationship

Agree with all the above.
My DSis was doing OLD last year, and some of the men she met were awful. She allowed one, who seemed really seemed nice, to go her her place to cook her dinner on a second date. She said he was just all over her the second they'd finished eating - she did rebuff him and then feigned illness to get him to leave but realised what a very bad mistake she made. He'd seen going to her place as the green light basically.
She said a lot of men on OLD are aware of women's "third date rule" meaning women will sleep with them on the third date, and one guy got v pushy about "coming in for coffee" on the third date. She refused him, and didn't hear from again.
Being v selective and having good boundaries is a good way to ward off the chancers. She has met someone nice now - but she had to kiss a lot of frogs first.

Thank you to all that replied. I wasn't looking for anything 2nd guy was an old boyfriend from high school that got in touch. Think I just need to stay away from men!! Maybe I'll get another cat instead. And a good therapist.