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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am really looking for advice - I desperately want to leave my children’s father.

7 replies

peachesmummy · 19/08/2026 22:22

I am desperate to leave my children’s father. We have been together for 6 years and I cannot bare another minute being with him. But it’s complicated, we have two small children together who both absolutely idolise him. I am terrified of how this could effect them, not to mention if he leaves, he will only provide me with £100 per week for our children (he earns around £1,000 per week) and I currently do not have a job (on UC). We do have a car, in my name, which I pay for each month but he put the deposit down so he claims ownership for it. We live in a tiny village and without a car getting anywhere is hopeless. It’s pretty much just me and the children 90% of the time, he is either working, at the gym or sitting in lay-bys smoking weed. When he does see the children he is a great dad, but he is just an awful partner.

I think the breaking point for me is that today is my 30th birthday, and I have seen him for less than an hour, he came home, put the kids to bed and left to go to the gym and smoke weed. He did give me a card from him and the children, but his mum brought them, he did get me some flowers, probably because I got so upset over the years of not really getting anything from him. He says he has gone halves with his mum to get me a new hoover but he is yet to actually give her the money. Its the same story with him every year, but this year hurt more.

I think the point I am trying to make is I am desperately unhappy with this guy, but terrified of leaving him that it will ruin my beautiful happy children and leave me not being able to feed them. I am desperate to get a job but it’s hard to find something that fits school hours and that is close by (no car and very limited bus timetable).

Any thoughts or advice would be hugely appreciated x

OP posts:
Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 19/08/2026 22:25

If the car is in your name it’s yours.

Get legal advice and leave the twat

Greenfingers37 · 19/08/2026 22:45

A hoover for your birthday??? I’d shove it up his arse! Seriously though, he sounds awful.
Start getting your ducks in a row to leave him.

Lmnop22 · 19/08/2026 22:50

The car is yours if you’re making the payments and it’s in your name.

Leave him. Even if it’s a bit harder in the short term, you can life off UC whilst finding something that suits you - don’t be afraid of wraparound care or nursery which UC will pay 85% of for you to get a job that doesn’t fit school hours exactly. Better to be happy and free of him than stuck with him and miserable

summitfever · 19/08/2026 23:04

You’ll get more than £100 through cms if hes on that wage, plus uc. Car is yours. Don’t let him make you believe you can’t to it alone. You bloody can! There are people that can help you claim everything. Oh and Happy Birthday! Make sure your gift to yourself is not wasting one more year on this loser! And also - he’s a SHIT DAD

GoldenCookies · 19/08/2026 23:22

Just leave, £400 a month isnt a terrible amount (no
it’s not a race to the bottom but I get nothing and we manage, you just make it work) you will get benefits to survive also and im assuming he will take the kids some of the time?

xOlive · 19/08/2026 23:28

He isn’t a good Dad, for a start.
He sounds pathetic.

Leave him, your children will be fine, I promise you.
The car is yours, if it’s in your name and you pay for it, he can shove the deposit and new hoover up his arse or use the hoover pipe as a bong, the absolute waste of skin.

Go through CMS, don’t allow him to “give you” anything, they can take it from him.

You will figure it out. It just happens, maybe treat it like he’s died? So you have no choice but to just figure it out.
But definitely leave him. You’ll be so happy, 12 months changes everything.

Also, happy 30th birthday ❤️ mine was also shit. I’m 34 now and I am worlds away from where I was on my 30th.

Yellowcakestand · 19/08/2026 23:37

Skulking off to a layby to smoke weed instead of spending time with his kids is not a good dad. Get rid.
As others have said, the car is yours. Your UC will change. You can do this.

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