Ladies 'intimate marital equipment' - first time buyer needs advice!

[LondonAtoZ]

As you can tell from my title, I do not own any 'toys' for the marital bed whatsoever. And yes, I am in my mid 30's. And yes, I find the whole thing very 'difficult' to think about, even though most of my friends and sisters will happily share all, that is not my way and I feel massively embarrassed by the whole thing. Had traumatic birth late last yr. Midwives suggested buying a v to help the scar tissue to heal. Also, marital relationships need a laugh as still sometimes a bit painful, but I think that's because I get too worked up (not in a good way!) so some experimentation with something may help me to relax. I haven't done it because the few times I have ventured onto a website which has these things, I have become completely confused and befuddled and yes, embarrassed.

So help please. How do I tell my DH that's what I want to do and not hurt his feelings (secretly I think he might be chuffed)? Where do I go to buy something that doesn't resemble an enormous fluorescent gentleman's appendage with bits on, and is just plain and simple and uncomplicated? And finally, how to I get over being a prude about it?

There. It's only taken me 15 years to ask the question... and I have asked a load of people I don't know!!! Help please!

'Had traumatic birth late last yr. Midwives suggested buying a v to help the scar tissue to heal.'

Interesting first post and interesting advice.

Can't say I'd ever heard that.

If you are embarrassed the best thing to do would be to buy online - as then you can look at the different styles without having to face anyone. The Ann Summers site is a good place to start.

Expatinscotland, they say the vibrations help to manipulate the scar tissue which may prevent pain in the future. A bit like perineal massage on scar tissue that they suggest after a bad tear (I had 3rd degree tear)

Well Ann Summers do a set called a "Clit Kit" which is I hope self-explanatory.

I would recommend not going for the rampant rabbit straight away as - ahem - it's a bit intimidating for the gentleman onlooker and my eyes are watering from thinking about the size of it and your poor scar.

As you have implied, I would think that anything you tried which suggests you are getting more enthusiastic in the bedroom will fill your DH with joy.

As for not being such a prude - well I was horrified about toys too to start with but now we have quite a few.

Why not mention that the MWs have suggested a toy to help with your scar tissue and see what he says? I wouldn't be surprised if he helps you choose one. Tonight.

LoveHoney.co.uk

I saw something like a mildish vibrator in Boots. Yes I know I was stunned too, I had to go back for a second look, it's in the family planning section, That might be an easy way to start things off and then you can go on to bigger and better things as they say!!!

Balloonslayer. Thanks for your advice. Having had two glasses of wine (and DH is out this evening ) just checked out the clit kit. Sadly, because I know little about these things, it isn't self explanatory. Is it just an 'external' thing ? I want to get something that would be 'internal' too as the scar tissue is of course there too. Oh, god. I hate this. I am blushing for real here. Makes me cross I can't relax about it all

Two glasses of wine and too many smileys. Will I never learn.

i would go for basic one from ann summers
pink one......

We have quite a few, including this one. Its simple, none scary, and has different settings.
You also cant really go wrong with a rabbit. If you stick to ones youve heard of, I doubt you'd do too bad.
Aslo, someones mentioned Ann Summers 'clit kit' - might be a good starting point.
Check out Durex's website as they have all sorts.

called promises

Yes, its an outside thing. Has little different 'heads' that attatch to your finger I think.
Honestly, that Durex one is v good. Ann summers also have a 'petit' vibrator, I think its a rabbit one too, but smaller.

If it's any comfort, I hate those women that are super cool about such things and drop their dildo use casually into conversation in an attempt to communicate their 'I'm so comfortable with my sexuality' perception of themselves...give me neurotic embarrassment anyday. I have a pink one from Anne Summers.

www.lovehoney.com

Well, I'm no help really as I went to an Ann Summers party, got drunk and bought the biggest vibrator they had. It scared the bejaysus out of both of us, and disappeared to the bottom of the cupboard and don't know that it survived our house move 2 years ago (the rule was "if it hasn't been used in the last year, throw it out" So methinks the "commando" has gone to the great latex recycling plant)

Moral of the story- don't get drunk and choose something a sensible size!

London, you could giftwrap it for him...

how about this?

...I think I'd like to see his reaction, but if you're really embarrassed you could ask him to open it on his own?

I hope it goes well, good luck

Sorry, I just re-read that, I really don't want to see your hubbies reaction, I promise - I meant if I were in your position. I am a fool!!

While there is a MNer who has her own website selling sextoys in a nice fashion (and lovehoney is good too) the first thing you need to do is go to a wellwoman/gynae clinic and have a word about the scar tissue. Because if it is bad (and obviously I haven't seen your chuff and am not a gynaegologist) then the averagea vibro won't help that much - or at least not as much as good medical advice.

Sorry, went to bed before I read your message.

OK, [clears throat . . . I feel a bit bashful about this too]

Yes you are right the clit kit is external.

If you want something internal that will massage the scar tissue, then I wouldn't recommend a rabbit necessarily because they sort of rotate rather than vibrate (it's the ears that vibrate) and what's more, the one I have (platinum) is pretty large.

For a gentle internal vibrator for medicinal purposes you might be better off with this from Ann Summers However although this might do the job the MWs intended it might not be all that much fun, being gentle vibrations and all...

Sticking with Ann Summers, there is a rabbit that is thinner than some, this one

However, compare the prices. The first is £12.99, the second £40. I dunno about you but I would be prepared to waste £12.99 in the interests of science, not so sure about £40.

You could get the cheaper one and the clit kit (or another 'bullet' external thing) as well perhaps?

yes I was going to suggest a bullet, you can also get soft rubber attachments for them, I can't do links on my phone though.

I'm much less into the toy thing than my bloke is, I find him touching me far more arousing than a vibrator. Warm manly fingers are great things. If scar tissue is sore and you don't want him touching you I'd be inclined to use lots of lubricant and your own fingers gently massaging the area.
I'm probably weird though as I have better orgasms with my fingers than with toys, alot of women prefer toys.

Whatever you buy, get a couple of tubes of KY Jelly. None of them are fun without it.

Thanks everyone for being so honest and upfront and helpful. I feel a little better about it all so I think I will go onto those websites and take a look and make a purchase. I think once I have made one purchase, the next will follow soon after! Thanks again.

I was really embarassed about buying a v but I went to Sh! in Hoxton, its a shop for women and has a completely different atmosphere from Ann Summers or other shops and it doesn't feel like its packed with dodgy men or girls on hen nights. Both my partner and I were sitting there cringing but the shop assistant was so sweet and down to earth that we lost all embarassment within minutes - and she made us a cup of tea while we looked!

I'd suggest popping down when it opens as its likely to be less busy or even phone them.