Am I irresponsible to go away when my husband is making threats?

[Ejs890011]

It’s the same thing over and over again with my husband mental health.
every 6-8 weeks he says he has self harmed but when I later ask him it’s lies.
he is getting help but this has been gone on for 4 years
only started as I am going away for the weekend with my friend to a festival. He keeps saying he want to be with.
then questioning why I am wearing tight shorts to the festival when I normally don’t wear tight things. Then asks I am saying I want to go have fun with my friend he thinks I want to go have sex as he perceives that as fun times which it isn’t I want to go dance and just have fun.
he is saying things like he is stabbing himself with a pen as it helps. But when I said how did the ink get on your tabacco pouch when you are stabbing yourself he said he put it on there deliberately so I wouldn’t find out that he had been stabbing himself.
also he is saying he inhaling deodorants.
like I want. To say my mum and dad should look after our son this weekend. I shouldn’t feel like I should be guilt tripped into not going but I am scared for my son’s safety.
does that make me irresponsible?

And I want separate until you get better.

So I said to him I want to separate he come home from work begging crying saying not to leave him. Then I said this weekend my son will be with my parents as I can’t trust you to look after him. Since you self harm. Now he is mad at me and says I am perfectly capable to look after our son you are the one going to a festival and doing class A drugs. I said well I am not doing them at home like self harming at home.
Also I might not even do that anyway.

always a competition with him.

I said I helped and supported him enough he throws back in my face about 3 years ago when I had a gambling addiction nothing serious but I went and got help and haven’t gambled since.

He is manipulative and abusive. It’s over between you and him. You were targeted by him deliberately because of your own circumstances. He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

You have a choice re him and your son does not. Both of you need to be completely apart from him.

He does not want your help and support.. These types of men hate women too, all of them.

I mean doing class as isn't exactly good parenting either op, especially if you have mental problems yourself

And I AM separating from you because of the effect of your behaviour on me and on our child

Are you going to do Class A?
Is he right about that?

You both sound chaotic to be frank.

He's abusing and trying to manipulate you, the threats of self harm are meant to stop you going.
The fact he assumes you're off to have sex, not fun with your friends, is a HUGE red flag.
My abusive ex used to say that when I went out to work
Go to the festival, tell your parents their 💯 in charge of DS. And please make plans to leave this asshole.

Hang on, you’re planning to do illegal class As the festival? That sort of changes things as that’s an incredibly dangerous and irresponsible thing for a parent to do….

He’s not ill you know. He’s just deliberately pretending to be in order to control and manipulate you.

Thats what you need to understand.

Abusers pull stunts like this. They threaten self harm and suicide and all manner of other things.

Notice he does it when he wants to control you. Eg, to stop you from taking this trip.

This man is not a safe person to be around. Get rid of him and be prepared to involve police if necessary.

Ars you doing class a drugs? You both sound unwell and not safe to be looking after a young child, do your case workers and parents know the serious problems you are both having.

Break ups aren’t a negotiation. There doesn’t have to be a winner or loser either. You want to break up so you’re breaking up, that’s that.

Of course he will cry and manipulate. That’s his whole mo.

You may have a custody battle ahead so don’t do drugs, it’s pretty commonly the only thing you can do as a woman to risk custody of your child been given to the father.

Yes get them to look after your child. If he says he’s harming himself call the police.

Don’t get into a debate with him. He twists everything you say and he’s brilliant at winding you up.

The thing is I can tell from what you describe that it’s all to put you off balance. You end up defending yourself rather than getting across your message. But the thing is you don’t have to prove him wrong or yourself right. You just have to be sure in your own mind that the best thing for you is to end this toxic relationship.