How to address thoughtful gifts that ignore what I have said

[IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth]

My partner is very kind but it tends to be on her terms and ignoring what I've said. I've currently got a foot issue (awaiting surgery) and I comment that I need to get some new shoes. As the foot issue means one shoe doesn't last as long as the other, I said I only want to buy something cheap just for the next few months. I also say I don't want to buy a specific make which I find aren't well made like they used to be.

Yesterday while she was out she went and bought me expensive shoes of the make I said I don't want. I also don't need her to buy shoes for me like I'm a child.

Today, she's just bought me an experience that I would normally like but has booked it for a date which I had said only on Saturday I wouldn't want because it's in the school holidays and be full of kids.

She means well and it's very generous but the fact she does it and completely ignores what I've said annoys me. It's happened several times before and no matter that I say (genuine example) "I'm trying to lose weight, please help by not buying me chocolate" shell literally buy me chocolate two days later.

How can I finally get through to her about this without her getting upset? It feels like she doesn't listen, or at least doesn't take in what I say.

She will say I buy things as it gives me pleasure/a buzz or I think I need to be buying things to be appreciated or loved as I don't think I am enough. Or something like that - it won't be because she is being nice to the op, it won't be about the op!

These don’t sound like thoughtful gifts, they sound completely thoughtless. The buying of the chocolate is like when you say to a child “don’t climb on that” and they just hear “climb on that” and do it. I think you will have to say no gifts at all unless birthday or Christmas and then you will tell her exactly what you want. It takes the surprise out of it but it’s just a waste of time and money for her to put “thought” into getting you the opposite of what you’ve said

It's not kind to buy chocolate for a person who has just told you they dont want to be eating chocolate.

You can't guarantee she won't be upset- if she gets upset when you reiterate something that you have already told her you dont want and she ignored you then that is on her, not on you.

My DH only half listens. He asks what I would like. I'll say "I'd love some chocolates, but please don't get Thorntons because I don't like them". He'll go to the shops, remembering only the 'chocolate' bit, and also that I said something about Thorntons. So he buys those. And then 'Thorntons' is stuck in his brain forever because he's bought them before. It's been happening for nigh on 30 years now.

<pulls own hair out in frustration>

This. They aren’t thoughtful at all! Is it poor listening skills or “she knows best”?

This sounds like it may be a relatively new relationship and your partner maybe just really trying to please you as you say she is so generous and kind. Perhaps she thought you wanting cheap shoes was because you couldn't afford the expensive ones. With regard to the chocolate she is hinting she likes you the way you are. The Saturday outing day may have been a mistake. Please don't judge her too harshly for being so kind, but just suggest that you talk things through carefully before going ahead with plans so you are both getting what you want.