Do you stick up for one parent or not get involved?

[OnlyUsername]

I've just spent a couple of hours with my mum and dad who are both 72. Married for just under 50 years. Both retired for 10. Dad has a hobby, mum doesn't (unless you count cleaning which she does constantly).

My mum doesn't have any cognitive issues but I have noticed she is getting really contrary with my dad. For example - he will say "I remember when we got really cheap tickets to see X musical" she will interrupt with "They weren't that cheap!!" and my dad will say they were £30 which is of course good for a London theatre. So I say that is a good deal, and she backs down. Or he will say they got their kitchen done in around 2012 and she will say "Nope, nope, it was February 2013". Or my dad will say my cousin J posted X on Facebook and she will say "He didn't! He didn't! That was B!" and when I have looked, they both posted the photo - and my dad didn't say it was J only, mum did, so she has caused an issue for no reason. My dad looks a bit exhausted.

I don't see them often due to distance. I'm not sure whether to stick up for him or not. He won't do it himself as there's just them at home and he says life's too short to argue but maybe he should be? Do I just leave them to it - Their marriage and so on? I don't feel quite the same about not getting involved now that they're both getting a bit frailer.

This is my parents' entire dynamic. I'm sure Dad would have put a stop to it if he wanted to.

It's difficult because I know if my husband was doing this to me in front of them they'd be furious!

My inlaws were the same , they celebrated 65 years of marriage , just before he passed away aged 95. If i was visiting with my husband they would often get into those sort of arguments. We used to just sit there until they had finished. Alot of the problem was they were both quite deaf , so often miss heard what each other said

Are you sure your mum isn't starting some kind of cognitive decline? My mum had dementia and it did initially manifest in a refusal to be wrong. I think often motivated by the fact that she would worry about something even if we told her not to. There was anxiety which couldn't be quelled just by being told everything would be ok, she needed to be right.

I've just spent a week with my parents and it's exactly the same. All of absolute nonsense. Who said what at a funeral, where they were when someone said xyz, who someone was related to, what year we last saw Uncle B, when so and so's uncles, mum's, dad's brother had a hip operation 🤯

I don't think so? Her sister died about 11 years ago she got a lot, er, blunter with people, but this is the first time she's been like this with family. She's still doing all the online shopping, checks and balances all the bank accounts each month, checks interest rates and moves the ISAs. She's just sorted out all their POA stuff. She's sharper than I am! I suppose it could be but it's be the one and only sign (and she's not a worrier - this is all over minor stuff in the past).

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.