Am I unreasonable to feel unsafe about my partner leaving windows open?

[YourTwinklyGoldAnt]

My partner now smokes cannabis every night, his use has escalated over the last couple of years. He didn’t smoke in the house, goes out to the garage.

We gave a downstairs bathroom and need to leave the windows open after showers to stop the mould (we have a fan but it doesn’t get rid of all the moisture). He will often go to bed stoned and leave the windows open, this makes me feel really unsafe (for me and our 7 year old daughter). He gets really angry if I ask him to be more careful, he says I leave doors and windows all the time and that it’s not a problem. Whilst there is a wider issue about his drug use (I will leave eventually but can’t at the moment for various reasons), am in the wrong?

No I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want downstairs windows closed at night time. I don’t leave any open downstairs and double check doors and windows before going to bed. Can he not get himself into a better routine of checking everything is ‘licked up’ before going to bed?

The smoking would make me kick him out though, I wouldn’t want my child around that or want me house smelling of it. I know you’re wanting to leave, is it his house?

I agree with you OP.
A good few years ago we moved into a downstairs flat. I always need the window open in order to sleep and one night we were woken up by the slight noise of someone trying to climb in our bedroom window - these were cottage flats so the thief probably thought he was entering a downstaurs room of a semi detached house rather than the bedroom of a ground floor flat.
It was a frightening experience. I remember after that we were able to buy a device that in effect locked the window in an open position, if you see what I mean: so it was open a small way but no one from outsidse could open it further.

I would be very unhappy about a ground floor bathroom being left with a window wide open at night. Unfortunately it doesn't sound as though your DP's drug use is making him think straight or act rationally.

You need to shut the windows before you go to bed.

I would always close downstairs windows. Rather than feeling unsafe, is there a reason why you can’t close the bathroom window before you go to bed though?

Him not remembering to do it, isn’t really your big issue here.

YANBU. My DP does this he makes fun of me for being a city girl. But we live in the city. 🙄

Suggestion: Buy a dehumidifier (that turns off automatically) for the room and leave windows closed.

I would make sure that he is shut outside permanently before I went to bed.
That's because I don't allow smoking of any substance in my house.

Can't you just close the window before you go to bed?

I wouldn’t care about the windows. We don’t lock our doors at night! Live in a very safe rural area and never in my adult life since I moved out of London in my late 20s have I locked the doors. 😂

But no way would I put up with someone smoking cannabis in my house. His ass would have been turfed right out the first time. He’s not 16.

You have a much bigger problem than the window ☹️

You can get a locking mechanism such the window can’t be pulled open all the way to let someone climb in. It’s best to ventilate a bathroom 24/7.

If someone really wants to rob you, they’d break a window. Which can be done quietly.

Get a lock for the window so it can only be opened a certain distance. We have our downstairs window open 24/7 for the cats.

I live in a bungalow and we have the bedroom windows open all the time. Windows aren't your problem

It depends how secure the property is. I often leave large downstairs windows open at night (especially during summer), but that's because there's no real risk to it.

If he's leaving windows open that are large enough to be dangerous, and accessible enough to be dangerous, then yes he's fucking up. I struggle to understand that if he has a young daughter in the property - fucking up is one thing, but endangering your child is a fundamental failure.

But as you probably know, smoking weed every night is arguably a bigger problem.

I think you should close the bathroom window as part of your bedtime routine. I also think you should lock the door, earplugs in, white noise machine and turn off your phone. The neighbours will deal with him if he won't stop banging on the door 😉

Go to CAB to see if they can help with you leaving. Some councils will also help with rental deposits etc.

Same here - it would get very stuffy if we had to the keep windows closed. They are closed if we are not in, obviously.