Anyone else focusing on self-improvement and staying single for now? Join me?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

Not entirely sure this is the right topic since the entire point is about being single, not in a relationship, but as the inverse then I suppose it qualifies...

So - othet than a brief foray into an ill-fated two-month relayionship I jave now been single for about a year. The longest I have been single since my teens and im now early 40s.

At first it was scary. I have been so used to having someone as a teammate, even if they were a useless one occasionally (or not so occasionally, depending on the man), however I have now got used to sleeping on my own, living on my own (apart from my kids), managing everything. Yes there are tough moments like when I was sick recently, but I found myself really resenting the recent man's attempts at "helping' with everything, especially things I didnt want, need or ask for help with and which he then got stroppy about when I told him it wasn't welcome.

So. I am challenging myself to stop chasing a relationship and love and just focus on making my life as amazing as I can all by myself, however I miss the dopamine of dating apps and I need accountability to keep it up, so i was wondering if anyone would like a post-relationship self-impr9vement thread.

And i don't mean a 'find another man glow up' kind of self improvement. Sure go to the gym, but because its what you want to do for you. So im going to put my intentions and then hopefully some of you will.jp8n me and we can support each other as we achieve - and as we undoubtedly struggle to make - a new, improved life.

So - get back to running and the gym as soon as I've shaken off this new bout of covid. Get the house ready to sell for next year <sigh>. Continue to write and perform poetry, maybe find a new open mic to test myself with. Start making moves to do more independent travel with the gial of going abroad alone within a year or so. Build a stronger local social group - all my friends live far away...
I might think of some more, but that'll do for now.

The DIY on the house is the most urgent and overwhelming item, but ive made a good start.

Anyone up for it? Tell me your story. Tell me your goals. Just say hi and lurk quietly for now. Whatever...

Interesting idea.

Itll be 20 years in November since I've been in a relationship. The first ten years were quite tough whilst I tried to work out exactly what people wanted, but I couldn't break my programming and become something I'm not, I work in a primary school and thats always made relationships harder.

Then, about five years ago I saw this reel on "the garden being the best where you water it" so for the last five years ive been doing that. I bought a lovely flat ten minutes from work, stopped getting dressed up and going to places where I mignt as well of been invisible, and concentrated on me.

It's surprisingly hard to just look after you and I have good weeks and bad weeks. I think now it would be very difficult to share my life with anyone. I value deeply my quiet utopia away from people. I'll be 50 next year, I prefer peace and quiet.

I still try to see people once a week, but im looking at doing that less. I just dont care anymore, I dont see any point in making any effort whatsoever.

I look afrer me - nobody else is going to.

Except for an 18 month relationship a few years ago I have been single since my marriage ended in 2006. I did miss the company for a while but living alone in peace is far superior than going back to a relationship for me. I don't see myself ever settling down again but I guess I do still have a few good years left in me and when the kids leave home I might feel different.

I am very conscious that as my kids get older (currently young teen/tween)they'll develop their own lives separate from me so I want to anticipate that and make sure I'm not sitting at home sadly waiting for a teenager to take pity on me!

My youngest is now of an age they do lots without me but I am still yet to feel lonely. I have loads of friends, I have hobbies, a job - I dont even miss sex being honest.

Well that's exactly why I want to focus on me,my hobbies and more local friends. So I don't get lonely.

I really really miss sex, but FWB/no connection sex just isn't doing it for me so that's off the table for now. Sigh.

Perhaps some self reflection as to why I need a man and sex to make myself feel whole? Just a suggestion.

Sure. If i felt like i want whole then that might be useful. Luckily it's not the issue.