Boyfriend upset after I compared him with exes over planning

[Zlatana]

Hello, I am 34yo and my boyfriend 33yo.

I said to my 1 years boyfriend that I would like him to lead more.
He links to improvise, for dates or vacations. He is managing finances of a big company, and said that he would like more improved personal life. I am unemployed btw.
I feel kind of insecure, I prefer things to be organized way in advance.

I told him several times that with my past relationships, the man was leading more and everything was organized. He said that as I am unemployed, I can organize stuff better, but for me it's the man that has to do it. It's my view.
He told me that it's disrespectful to compare him to his ex saying he doesn't lead, but it was just to express a point.

Recently, the point was a misorganization of his vacations, he didn't had any plan. I talked about my previous relationships again. But now he wants to end our relationship saying it's disrespectful to him.

Is he not overreacting ?

YABVU I don’t blame him for wanting to end it

You don't seem to be suited to each other, so I think he's probably made the right decision. Of course you can want the man to do all the organising, but he's not being unreasonable to want you to do some of it too, especially if you have more time on your hands. You just don't have the same views on life and relationships.

You don’t work so have a lot more free time yet you want a partner who does all the organisation of dates because you feel it’s up to a man to do that - probably for the best he ended the relationship.

I see his point, he’s busy and you have unlimited free time although unless he’s supporting you financially it’s none of his business what you do in your free time.

You never compare to an ex though, especially in the way that makes him seem inferior. You could have said you would like a bit more effort as it seems he doesn’t care or isn’t interested, not ‘Steve did this so much better.’ How hurt would you feel if he compared you to an ex?

Sounds like you aren’t compatible though tbh and a year is still early days, maybe it’s time to part.

I’ll date him, will he go older 😂

I’ve done the career time, wouldn’t mind at all helping and organising!

and good for him, he’s right to end it, you’re not suited

He's well off without you.

No, he's not over-reacting. Refusing to help plan things, especially while you're unemployed, is bizarre. Comparing your partner to your exes, negatively, and repeatedly, is just shit behaviour.

Hmm

I think you should be more tactful in these things. For a man, you need to stroke his ego, not make him feel insecure

Is he providing for you, if youre not working?

I think apologise and agree to both plan things

Is he weak in general? Maybe he isnt the man for you in that case

What was it you liked about him?

at least he has freed up your time so you can look for a job/hobby

You do not need to “stroke a man’s ego” ffs.

OP has a bizarre take though.

No. He isn’t overreacting. It’s very seldom a good idea to bring up the other men you’ve had relationships with before. It appears that his work life is quite structured and in his private life, he likes to be more spontaneous. I don’t think having a dick automatically makes a person the organizer of holidays or anything else. He’s right that if you aren’t currently working, you probably have more time to arrange things. Please stop talking about your earlier boyfriends. It’s unnecessary and insulting. See if the two of you can learn to compromise, maybe divide tasks as evenly as possible, considering each other’s wishes and restraints. Also? Try to adapt to the 21st century and lose all those gender-based expectations. You’ll ultimately enjoy life more without them.

No he's not, how would you feel if he kept comparing you to his ex?

Does he ever say "and all of my exes had a f**king job!"

Didn’t you split up in May?

No one wants to be compared unfavourably to earlier relationships.
He also has a point, you have far more time than he does- it sounds like cultural differences to me, British men expect you to be pretty independent and capable.
I don't blame him for ending it.

He’s well rid tbh

😂