Do you have an impossible person in your life?

[Buildingthemomentum]

I have a family member who is incredibly frustrating. She makes me want to scream and her lack of self awareness makes me go crazy. She is incredibly pass remarkable and judgemental but criticises others for being passremarkable and refers to herself as someone who never judges. She takes offence at everything but has a tendency to say pretty shitty things, yet talks about how thick skinned she is, how kind and sensitive she is but also how easily offended everyone else is. She is racist and yet talks about how racism is terrible.

When you tell her a story she always pulls a face that implies she thinks your story was stupid. She also likes to pretend that whatever I tell her is very boring (stifling yawns or just not replying when I finish). She then complains that I dont tell her anything.

If I tell her about a problem I have she either tries to make it my own fault or turns it into a 'wow, how strange! I don't have that problem at all! How funny!'. I don't tell her my problems.

Calling her out on it ends up in disaster and I dont want to cut her out. I just need to know if anyone else has someone in their life who drives them absolutely crazy with their unreasonable personality. Please tell me what you have to bite your tongue with!

Yes! Self-absorbed foghorn who loves the sound of his own opinion but never asks questions about me or shows any curiosity aboit my life at all. I’m just there as a canvas for him to think on. Cutting him out thankfully.

Scottish word also…someone who can’t help passing remarks on everything and everyone.

I call it OPGC - Old Person Gossip Currency.
They collect basic gossip and family news to tell other old people that they know. So they'll say "My DGC has been accepted into the European Space Programme to train as an astronaut" and then another one will chip in "oh yes my second cousin's boy Tarquin was almost picked to go up the ISS" and then another will say "nice full moon the other night" and so on until one changes the subject and the process restarts. This is why they don't need any details because they never get past the initial statement/boast. I call it IGTTMMFI - Important Gossip Tax To Make Me Feel Included!

Had a neighbour like this growing up, her kids the same ages as me and my siblings.
I will never forget meeting her once - I was about 29 and her daughter was the same age. And she said oh my Julie has just been signed up to a contract to model for Estée Lauder.
I had recently read that Liz Hurley had recently been signed to be the new face of Estée Lauder but didn’t mention it as why would I?
Her dad used to drink with my dad. She’d actually been signed up to give out free samples of Estée Lauder perfume in House of Fraser. She got that through a promotions agency I knew she worked for and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Her dad thought it was hysterical - oh Jean’s outdone herself this time.
It was relentless. When I graduated I bumped into her and she didn’t even notice I’d been away.
It used to wind my mum up - it was meant to - but in the end it just gave us a load of funny Jean stories.

Me: I've been approved to be an astronaut....
DM: Do you really need to be an astronaut? If the shuttle blows up you know it will be all your fault? Does the space suit come in extra large? Anyone can be an astronaut these days. I don't know why you are stressed about the idea of going into completely unknown depths of outer space. You won't call me enough from depths of outer space like your sister would.....although she never ventures outside of Bishops Stortford.
Me: FML.....

It's 'pass remarkable, two words, and it's used in Scotland and Ireland for someone who passes comments on people, usually disparaging ones. It's quite self explanatory when you think about it.

This is a word we use in Scotland too - that’s the correct meaning here

Yes, I have an old friend from school days who is always gossiping and suffers from a chip on her shoulder the size of Jupiter. The Embarassing thing is that she blatantly lies to try to keep up with the imaginary Joneses. She said to me the other day ‘ bella said how much she likes hanging out with me’… to try to compensate for the fact that she had said a month ago that her children never hang out with her… it’s like she goes away and wishes she hadn’t admitted vulnerabilities, comes back, and inserts ‘ corrective lies’. I feel sorry for her. At the same time, it’s not easy to be around. She does it all the time!

Janeyso
this is giving my father.
Also Irish.
i do sometimes wonder if the trauma of growing up in Ireland created a cohort of toxic people…

What trauma?!

Everyone has to have ‘ trauma ‘now, otherwise you’re ‘ priveleged.’ Sounds like a joke…but it’s what passes for thought currently.

What has happened before when you point out the hypocrisy? Does she punish you with ranting or ignoring? Has she ever said something very unkind and refused to acknowledge it after?

She doesn't handle criticism very well (but dishes it out!). She will turn it around so its my fault or will give me the silent treatment. She always has an answer for everything and how her particular hypocrisy doesn't count. For example, she hates racism but makes a lot of comments that I don't even think she realises are racist. I won't repeat them. When I have pointed it she says I take everything too seriously and need to lighten up.

Do you live with this person? I can see not wanting to sever relationships with certain relatives, but you could certainly lessen time with them and make a quick exit when you're no longer enjoying their company.

That's extraordinary !

No I don't. I can get plenty of space from them and just as they start filling me with rage, I can clear off and not see them for months. I also have an internal sprinkler system that goes off in my mind and showers me with comments such as 'don't worry, she's just crazy'

Yes my DM! If I said I'd been accepted to be an astronaut she'd have said it must have been easy then! And would they have suits big enough?

Everything I achieved was because it was easy. Stuff like qualifications, a good career, my own home, raising my DS.

The weight thing was always odd. I've always been small. She was slim when she was young but became a shapeless overweight lump before she was 40. And yet I was fat.

It was just jealousy and spite.