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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I report an abusive ex years later after seeing him again?

3 replies

Bluna9 · 13/08/2026 20:24

I’m 4 years out of the worst relationship I ever had, and I never want to go back there, or have any contact with him.
I saw him again now, arms around a new girl, looking happy and content and I just felt terrified and then embarrassed because he clearly care one bit about me. It really threw me back a few paces and now I keep wondering about the new girl he was with. She looked happy and I was thinking that she might not know what he like yet because I have been there.

I never reported him for anything, and even downplayed some of the injuries he caused me. If others did the same there might not even be any way for her to check if he has form.

The very last thing I want is to have him anywhere near me or my family ever again, so I’m not sure if I should be making a report so many years later, and if the police would even be interested? I am sure that they’d find something incriminating on his phone or other devices but I feel that I might just sound like a bitter and jilted ex who wants to cause trouble.

He did horrible things, I have medical records to show what treatments I got, and I know 100% that he recorded some of the things he did, and I doubt that he has changed much since then.

I don’t want to explain why I didn’t report him years ago so please don’t have a go at me for this.

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 13/08/2026 21:21

I don't know if there is a "should" but it would absolutely be your right to report it now if that's what you feel is right for you.

LoyalGoldMentor · 13/08/2026 21:27

I'm sorry you've been through this. It could be worth you speaking to an organisation such as Women's Aid. They can offer support whether you decide to disclose or not. Take good care of you

whippersnapper55 · 13/08/2026 22:36

I would definitely talk it through with an organisation such as Women's Aid and get some support. Reporting is such an individual and personal decision that I don't think anyone should advise you one way or the other but they will be able to give you lots of information about the process and support you whatever you decide.

Just remember, you've done nothing wrong by deciding not to report before now. It can take many years to feel well and strong enough to do so and reliving awful experiences should only be undertaken when you have strong support in place. Wishing you all the best 💐

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