Another quietly quitting marriage

[Mollymaid64]

This is inspired by the other quietly quitting marriage thread. We're both 60 and have been together over 40 years. Both still in good health. We've had a lovely, normal family life. Both still in good health.
The only drawback is I don't care if we never have sex again. My dh does care. We are great housemates and friends, but not lovers. I'm happy to relieve him but this is not enough for him. He still wants a full sex life with me. He's a fantastic husband, father, grandad and hasn't lost his looks.
We tried the other day, but I just felt awkward. It was a disaster so it will have affected his confidence. He'd had too much to drink. Tried it one way and he got cramp. Tried it another way and I got a pain in my hip I'd never had before and haven't had since.
He doesn't want to split up or have an affair with anyone else. It's not fair on him to live like this thoigh. I have been privately considering splitting up with him for his sake, but is it worth it at our age?
Our dc and dgc would be devastated too.
I find it so overwhelming to dismantle over 40 years of life. As we get older and start getting ill there is no one else we'd both like looking after each other either.
If only I felt more than house mates life would be perfect.
I've never been on hrt or anything else. I don't think it would help.
I did meet someone about six months ago who set my heart fluttering and the feeling was mutual. We never acted upon it, we've lost touch and now those feelings have gone too, thankfully; so I know I'm not completely dead sexually. I know I could still want sex with someone, just not my poor dh. Should I set this lovely man free for his own sake? He & our family would be so devastated if this happened 😪

@LocalHobo sorry, now i've reread your post it does not sound stroppy

Similarly I don’t understand quite a few of the comments on your thread, @Mollymaid64! Some seem to have no point to them given the content of your own posts, that I wish people would read properly.

You’ve put this in Relationships but a few responses sound snarky enough for ‘AIBU’! Just try and ignore them. Wishing you well

@Mollymaid64 you're probably going think I'm nuts but I went through a stage where I was just no longer interested in sex and I went to a hypnotherapist, to help me want to want to, if that makes sense. as I wasn't ready to give up and was still very attracted to DH. I do realise how mad it sounds... but in my defence it was one of the things she listed she could help with on her site!

I am French and although this isn't as common as people seem to think it is, there ARE couples like this, my Aunt and Uncle for example.

He is like a humping terrier, shagging anything that moves and anything that doesn't and she is miserable as sin but wanted to keep the nice houses and yacht so stayed for that after his first affair and ignores his skanky behaviour.
It's no life for anyone. I think if I'd been her I would have happily put a pillow over his face by now. There is no house or yacht big enough that would make me live that life.
It's definitely not all French people but I wouldn't ever date a French man if I were single again.

Did it help?

Im 64 and would really love a final relationship but I have zero sex drive and get the yucks just thinking about it.
Im going to give testosterone a go privately and see if it gives me a boost not just a sexual boost but a general one as I can feel myself losing who I am bit by bit and settling into my stall like a cow. I need get up and go.
Would you try it OP? Ending such a long marriage would be tragic IMO.

I have a question for you, Mollymaid64: did your husband spend lots of time on your pleasure when you did have sex?

I absolutely love sex, but that's because I have usually at least 3 orgasms, and it's just deeply grounding and life-affirming. I don't orgasm through penetration, so it's all down to my husband prioritizing my pleasure. I know this sounds like a brag, but there is a point, which is - were you a full partner in your sex life before?

Disclosure: I am 10 years younger than you and really terrified that menopause might affect my sex drive and receptiveness. So I'm interested in this discussion.

So many women go through this. I've gone through it. I really don't feel that it is something that is broken and that needs to be fixed. I was in a relationship when I worked out how I felt about it, and was honest with him. No more sex. Ever. For me really, it meant our relationship was over. He thought the same thing initially, but has back pedalled on that, but unfortunately I am happy with things the way they are (friends, not partners, see each other sporadically although I wouldn't be bothered if we didn't).

From my perspective (and I'm not alone in this, I've read other accounts of it), the loss of libido serves a function. It frees us from unsatisfying relationships.

Slightly different if you have a partner you want to keep I know but I have had periods in my life without a partner but with a very active libido and I satisfied myself, alone. This is always an option for those with a partner who has closed shop on mutual sex.

It did! But I wanted to want to. I just didn't have the feeling if that makes sense, so I was very open.