Disabled, would you divorce?

[OneScaredMamma]

I'm in my early fifties and disabled with autoimmune disease. I work part time. I'm married with one teenager.

I have been married fifteen years. I am desperately lonely in my marriage. I asked my husband to attend couple's therapy to improve our communication. He refused. He is work obsessed and money obsessed. I believe he has high functioning autism. We have a comfortable lifestyle but I feel so alone with him. This year I had a bad flare of my illness and although he did practical things (housework, making dinner) it was so clear that he resented it and me. There was no affection, empathy, even company.

I feel like I'm dying of loneliness and have felt this way for years. I also know that I will be much poorer and my capacity to work is limited. I really want the chance to have a loving relationship again before I get too old but I know that I may well end up alone forever. Somehow I think it would be easier living life on my terms and planning for my future. I don't have faith in him to care about me as I become more ill.

Did any of you make the jump in these circumstances? And if so, did you regret it or feel relieved? I finally spoke to a solicitor this week and it will likely be a 50 / 50 split.

Thanks all for your comments on this thread. They are really helpful. My mood is very low ATM which may be depression, PMDD, feeling low on support. We had friends visiting who have just left and I feel like the world is just emptier now. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow and may ask to try an antidepressant as I think I need some clarity and also additional support. I will also look at therapy as I found it helpful before.

I feel like the genie is out of the bottle and sometimes I wish I could put it back. I just don't think I can. I'm actually really concerned about my mood at the moment and it's out of character for me. I think the last few years are catching up with me after KOKO for a long time.

Given your age, is your low mood linked to menopause?
You might want to consider HRT first rather than antidepressants. If you're not on it already.
It's the first line treatment for menopausal low mood and at 50+ it's highly likely your hormones have taken a nose dive, which may be masked by your other health issues (or even made them worse.)

I'm already on HRT but I need to change it I think as it's not helping any longer. I think I just need to get rid of my cycle completely now!

You possibly need to increase the estrogen- don't give it up before trying that.

HRT didn't help me either.

I don't want to take antidepressants because they numb me completely and then I can't feel anything good or bad but I may have to go down this route shortly for some respite.