Any such thing as the perfect person….

[Sunshineismyhappy]

Hiya,

im just curious on what people’s thoughts are when in the single / dating world….

ive been single nearly 2 years, in that time ive met a few people, none that got to the potential “ Boyfriend” stage though.

like many other people, I’ve been on the dating apps ect… and just recently matched with 2 very different men that are both quite nice and my type of person.

1 man that lives an hour and a half away ( not ideal distance) but met up around 4 times & he’s outdoorsy which is what I’m looking for ! But a bit more I’d say “ say it as it is type man.

the other man lives around mins away..again lovely. although he’s not so much like the other, he’s very genuine and kind, softly spoken and doesn’t like conflict.

theve both asked to meet me again, but i don’t want to get the the point where ive led both on. Just wondering what others would do….

Do you fancy either of them?

Go on a couple of more dates with each. You'll know. ♥️

I'm a big believer in 'when you know you know' x

It's not often you find a good connection/spark - don't let a couple of hours travel get in the way of that x

Personally I wouldn't date two people at once, but that's me. Just pick the one you want most. If in your head you'll be 'settling' for the decent guy who's close, you're wasting his time, and yours.

You’re not ‘leading anyone on’ unless you’re pretending to each that you’re not seeing anyone else! If you want to see either of them again, do.

Yes, it's different if it's just 'dating' each a few times but any longer than this it becomes questionable.

Unfortunately, my friend (years ago), started dating 2 guys - she said she liked them both for different reasons and couldn't possibly decide between them or stop seeing 1 of them.

It got even stranger as Guy 1 knew about Guy 2 but he didn't know about the other. She even met both of their parents as it was getting serious.

Someone 'informed' Guy 2 and he went along with it for a few months 🤷 but in the end he came to his senses and told her it couldn't continue and she needed to make a choice.

She chose Guy 1 (against our advice). We (her group of friends) always thought she'd chosen the 'flashy' guy as she was similar minded.

It fizzled out. She now regards 'Guy 2' as the 'one that got away'.

Regret is a terrible thing x

But your friend was an idiot, and is almost certainly regarding the guy she didn’t choose through rose-tinted glasses. The OP has met these two guys precisely once, and is nowhere near the stage of having to choose exclusivity with one of them.

Yes, that's why I typed about seeing them 'a few times' to decide x

Umm.. no? She said she's met up with the one guy 4 times, or 5, when she was posting about it last.

I think multi-dating is okay until you get to the point that you'd be making out with one of them. Because I'm sure you'd rather not date someone who was kissing you on Thursday and kissing another woman on Friday.

When I did OLD, I never had the issue of choosing between two as one always really stood out to me with strong chemistry.

Do you really feel the exact same way about both, as in looking forward to seeing each of them with the same excitement? Has the long distance guy made most or equal effort into meeting? If things worked out with him, do you see yourself uprooting to move his way or would you expect him to move your way? Even that distance can make a big difference so that you'd see your friends and family less often if you moved. Just food for thought.

Basically, what you're seeing now from each is barely scratching the surface of who they are. The real person won't begin fully emerging until you get past the 4th month. Takes time to see all dimensions of a person.

If you feel a stronger chemistry and more excitement for one guy, I'd go with that and then have a wait-and-see attitude. More dating experiences peter out versus moving on to a long term relationship, so guard your heart and keep your standards. Have fun!

@ScorpionLioness79

i definitely feel more excited about seeing the one an hour and a half away….. although looking forward, one of us would have to move eventually and I’m not sure if either of us would want that…

its only hour and a half right ?

Do you have dc who are settled where you live? I do and that's why my dating radius was only within my city.

As to your question "is there a perfect person?" I've been single and searching for 10 years, after divorce, and I've only just found someone who is both a- properly suitable and compatible, and b- I'm attracted to (a rare thing).

Unless you want dc and are up against the clock, I'd say take your time.

@AFPotts

umm. For me, I matched with this person on a dating app, we’ve met now around 5 times, I went to his house for the first time last week ! Neither of us have children. But neither of us would move either I don’t think so it’s a hard one…. Maybe weekend catch ups…

Also to add to this, I’ve been single 2 years.. and only really connected with this person… shame he’s an hour and a half away from me.

I'd stop dating the local guy because even if you stopped dating the outdoors guy, the local guy would be settling. Someone else you haven't met yet will spark more excitement.

I do think it's wise to think about logistics now, though. Why keep investing when it'd be expected that the distance be closed in a year or two if neither of you planned on moving? Not hard to keep up with the 90 minute commutes with the high of new romance. But you don't want to be bonding through intimacy if he begins making less efforts in commuting if the newness doesn't progress into a something deeper.

When you're in person, I'd brooch the subject and say something like: It's a shame there's so much distance between us. Realistically, if this worked out, how do you foresee our situation in a year or two?

If you're dating two then you really aren't giving either a good chance. If you're constantly comparing them you're not seeing either in a clear light.

When you buy a house you're looking at several and you find the best compromise, the one you feel gives you more. However you'll always have a regret that the one you choose is missing the ensuite from the second choice, and the garden of the third.

It's always about compromise - do you think either of them sees you as perfect?

But if you choose one while seeing the other, you're always going to wonder if you should have chosen the kinder one, or the sexier one, or the one who's more put together but perhaps a bit dull.

Date one at a time until you find the one that presses enough of your buttons to make his faults insignificant.

Ffs……. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve literally just had a text from the one that lives close…. he’s back with his girlfriend ! Goodness sake !