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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling to move on in a controlling and unhappy marriage

27 replies

nicetotalk · 11/08/2026 16:10

I’m finding that I’m irritated by everything husband does, to his parenting to his outdated remarks to his lack of interest in anything other than his work. We have went through a bad patch and agreed to put a line under it but I’m really struggling to forget the bad. He has in the past threw things(knife blocks, cast iron pots) in my direction, pushed me and tried to physically remove me from the house leading to me lying flat out on the floor. He worked long hours and put it down to tiredness and has since reduced his hours and have had no incidents since (approx 2 years) but he questions everything I do and I feel like walking on eggshells. If he is off for a night and I’m just washing clothes and stuff he pressures me to come sit with him, if I go out with friends he moans to kids (neighbours anyone really) about me going out and he has even said why would I want to go out with friends that are single. We are not young, nearing 50 and my friends that are single have not always been. Does he expect me to ditch them cause they are not married? When I pull up in the driveway I take a deep breath and put on my happy face and set about pleasing everyone (husband and kids). Am I just going through a phase, I realise I’m of an age could be hormonal but I frequently think about what it would be like to live under a roof where I don’t feel like this. I don’t want to only have my children half the time as they are my world and I also have concerns as one has medical needs that he has never been overly involved in and I would worry. Do people think it is better to sacrifice happiness for benefit of their kids? They are teenagers so do i wait it out and hope its hormonal and feel different. I don’t like who I am becoming and don’t want to go on like this. We have been together for over 20 years. I have no doubt he loves his kids but not so sure about me. Came to light recently every time we had argument he would run to his family and bad mouth me, I did the opposite and kept things in as didn’t want my family thinking bad of him. Like we all do he very much gave it from his perspective, he never told anyone about things he had done. Needless to say I don’t have close relationship with his family and sadly I recently lost my parents so I don’t no if this is also part of it. I now don’t have anyone to disappoint. He also has put a tag on my car and switched on my share location on phone. Does anyone relate? Thank you for reading x

OP posts:
unsync · 13/08/2026 00:55

So many red flags. Your marriage is a textbook example of an abusive relationship. Of course it's not all bad, that's because he knows that you would definitely leave. The little breadcrumbs of hope are keeping you where he wants you.

Seriously @nicetotalk it will never get better. It only goes one way and that's downhill. I would suggest reading "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. You'll recognise your husband in it. Hopefully, the penny will drop for you before it's too late.

wheresthewheelbarrow · 13/08/2026 10:28

Triangulation described above as also happened with my eldest dc. Husband would dump all his problems on her, talk about me and try to weaponize my other dc. Appalling. I addressed this directly with him. It appears to have stopped now.

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