Leaving an abusive marriage and fears about future relationships with HIV

[MyNimbleOliveFinch]

Hi all. I have finally decided to leave an abuse relationship after 13 years. Cheated on and beaten twice. I filed for divorce and even though he doesn’t want it, I know I need to continue with the divorce. I’m 47(f).

My fear is I have HIV-given to me- and I always end up staying because I’m not sure I could find love with this condition. I have been undetectable for years, so I know I can’t pass it on but still it’s a worry 😢

Just focus on leaving the relationship rather than if you’re ever going to meet someone else FGS!!

I’d have thought that another relationship would be the last thing on your mind at this point

This
prioritise your safety

I have a friend who picked up HIV very young, as in first sexual partner in her teens.
She formed a very loving relationship with someone who completely understood that non detectable means non transmittable. They went on to have 2 babies, splitting a couple of years ago and she's not long got engaged to her new partner. Again, he's fully aware of her status.

So there is hope, someone worth having will try to understand.

Focus on you.
Freedom program.
Independence.
Adult ed courses.
Etc

When and if ready for dating, there are at least three hiv+ dating sites: PozMatch, Positive Singles and POZ personals.

All the best x
🍀💐🍷

I would just concentrate on leaving rather than the next man? Would you even trust men again?

Ignore the snappy comments OP it's totally normal to worry about both your present and your future at the same time. The right person will see past it and the wrong ones aren't worth having x

You will find love again. HIV is now viewed in a very different light than it was 20 odd years ago. All the luck and love in the world to you 💐

Hi, well done on leaving the abusive relationship 👏. I agree with other posters in focussing on you first for a while before considering dating, and maybe get some counselling.

As regards dating with HIV there are many ‘serodiscordant’ couples where just one partner has HIV. As you’re aware, on effective meds with an undetectable viral load we can’t pass it on. When I started dating, I had a look at some of the HIV sites, but it’s a small pool and few showed profile pics. I’ve used regular dating apps like Match, OK Cupid and Bumble. OK Cupid used to include a question among all the others asking if someone would be happy to date someone with HIV, the choice being yes, no or maybe. I don’t know if it still does.

Of the men and others I’ve told about my status I haven’t had a negative response, although few knew about how things had changed over the years. Of course stigma does still exist however I’ve actually found it’s helped me pick more carefully who I wished to date and what I’d settle for. I also realised that it wasn’t actually a priority for me and I am a whole person as I am.

Chill, HIV is no longer a life sentence, you might have to educate future potential partners as not everyone understands the condition but don’t let it hold you back!