Please be gentle because I know I sound a bit unhinged writing this. I’ve been with my partner for ten years. We don’t live together, he’s an hour away but the long‑term plan was always that he’d move closer to me. That’s what we agreed.
Recently he quit his job because he thought he was going to be pushed out and said he couldn't cope with the stress, and he’s taken another job on half the salary more or less. As a result, he can’t afford to do anything. He said he just likes spending time with me. Coffee is about the limit. On top of that, he’s starting a part‑time online postgrad course in September.
He’s told me he can’t afford a holiday with me and a holiday with his children, so he’s just going with his children (they like to go with him on his own). Mine are grown up and gone, so I’ve had a holiday, just not with him. I visited my friend who lives abroad. We are both in education and have school holidays.
Last week my daughter invited us both to her birthday. He didn’t come because his 15‑year‑old “didn’t want to be around people she doesn’t know” and apparently they need to “build up to it”. So instead he took her paddle boarding with friends. We’ve been together a decade and she still “needs to build up to it”.
He says he loves me but doesn’t feel the need to talk on the phone or video call. He says things will be like this for at least another three years until his daughter is 18.
He never plans holiday dates in advance. I ask months in advance. He sorted his holiday dates with his children two days before the summer holidays. He gets his children to write down what they want to do, submits it to his ex, and then tells me what’s happening. I’m constantly fitting around him.
I’m 55, he's 49. I feel like I’m flogging a dead horse. I don’t understand how someone can claim to love you but behave like this. There are loads more examples but I just want to know, am I being unreasonable, or is this as bad as it feels?