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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I feel like this?

7 replies

Punxatawney · 09/08/2026 14:48

Hi all. Difficult topic for me to raise but here goes.

Myself and my partner got together many years ago. Got married in 2015. Right at the start we discussed kids and both strongly agreed that we didn't want any. Happy relationship thereafter.

3 years ago my partner turned around completely out of the blue and said that they wanted a baby. I was shocked, and felt physically sick. I said no. We argued tooth and nail about it for months. They were under no illusion how I felt.

Threats were made to get a baby by another route if I didn't agree. I felt so under pressure and at fear of losing my partner that I felt completely backed into a corner and that I had no choice. It was lose my partner or go along with it. I continued to try to get out of it, declining sex, which only prompted properly frightening outbursts.

Fast forward 2 years and we now have a gorgeous little boy, who's just turned one. We've barely had intimacy since after he was born. My partner shows no interest in me at all.

Throughout, I've felt violated in some way, no matter how much I love my little boy. Something just feels wrong about how it came to pass. I know I always had a choice, but it didn't feel like that at the time.

Am I being overly sensitive?

OP posts:
Paradoes · 09/08/2026 14:50

No you have every right but I think for your own dignity and emotional health that the relationship is over. You have every right to feel used, especially as there is no initmacy now. The love has gone.

Sinceyouasked · 09/08/2026 14:54

You’ve been coerced into something - it wasn’t freely given consent. And you are in a relationship with someone who is happy to coerce you - even into pressuring you for sex.

That’s abusive.

I would seek individual counseling.

Theyrhome · 09/08/2026 14:55

The relationship has dwindled and on its way out. Likely would have happened with or without a child

Theyrhome · 09/08/2026 14:57

He said he wanted a child
he applied pressure
but really… there was nothing from stopping you saying no and leaving

Clarabella77 · 09/08/2026 15:22

Theyrhome · 09/08/2026 14:57

He said he wanted a child
he applied pressure
but really… there was nothing from stopping you saying no and leaving

You are assuming the partner is a "he" but there is no mention of the gender of the people described in this relationship. The poster could be a "he".

Theyrhome · 09/08/2026 15:24

Clarabella77 · 09/08/2026 15:22

You are assuming the partner is a "he" but there is no mention of the gender of the people described in this relationship. The poster could be a "he".

Either way…. Utterly irrelevant

Theyrhome · 09/08/2026 15:25

* continued to try to get out of it, declining sex, which only prompted properly frightening outbursts.*

difficult for a man to be forced to have sex

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