Financial pressures of splitting up

[CocSoc]

Is the increased financial strain worth it if you leave a relationship that’s not abusive, but just not working?

Has anyone regretted the upheaval of everyone’s life - you, dh, dc - for your own happiness even though the relationship isn’t that bad!… just stifling.

I’ve been with dh for 21yrs we have two dc - 16 & 12. Dh i find is becoming more and more grumpy with age, and sees no issue with talking to people like shit. I call him out on it, and he does accept he’s wrong. But then he’ll do it again. I’m fed up of waking up in a good mood, only to be miserable by 10am because of the way I’ve been spoken to.

I’m not perfect. I think we’ve got to the point where we wind each other up unknowingly, and piss each other off.

Is this enough of a reason to split? The financial pressure seems so daunting!

You don’t need a “good enough” reason to split from someone who makes your life so much worse. You just need to work out a plan and get on with it. Good luck.

If the situation is not urgent, can you take some time to get your finances in a better position? Are you able to increase your income? Can you save up a housing deposit so that one of you can move quickly and you aren’t trapped separated but living together?

OP I could have written this myself!
As someone who has just taken the leap and got separated from my STBEH of 17 years, Yes the financial pressure being alone is hard and its only going to get worse for me, not going to lie but I feel like I have found myself and my peace again which to me is worth it.

If you are not HAPPY then my advice to you is be brave and take the leap!

What happens when you talk to him? Does he have health issues or work stress..an example is he better whilst on holidays?

Only you can balance the equation of happiness Vs financial and other stress of divorcing. Living solo has benefits undoubtedly but worth looking into how you would manage. I think if the children are affected then it's time to leave.

No, I saved myself any money; he was quite the spendthrift.

Yes and no- there was income inequality between myself and my ExPartner ( I earned more) - and therefore became the default payer for almost every household expense ( even though there were 2 incomes), I paid most of the mortgage & food bills and utilities etc

after we split I’m now 100% the default payer - but now I only pay for things I need or want

You get one precious life, and you can end a relationship if you’re unhappy in it.