Did I do the right thing blocking an overbearing neighbour?

[SusieQuo]

We moved into a retirement complex last year and it’s quite pleasant. Neighbours are ok but I’ve never been one to be in and out of a neighbours house. I stay polite and pass the time of day and keep it that way. However, here there is one lady who is quite talkative and doesn’t know when to stop, often delaying me from going out on time. As soon as she sees me, she’s there. A few weeks ago during a conversation I asked her where she’d got her doggy pushchair from, as my own little dog suffered an injury to his leg and that would be handy for him. She then said that she was getting a new one the very next day and I could have the old one. But, she’d already promised it to another neighbour, so she’d check with her. Innocently, I gave her my phone number…..big mistake. The other neighbour didn’t want the pushchair so I received a call saying I could have it. I paid her for it, though she insisted she didn’t want payment, I wasn’t taking it for nothing. From then she started phoning me for the least thing or turning up at the door, again just to tell me really silly things that I’m not in the least bit interested in.

I was then diagnosed with breast cancer and I told her because I was having an operation and I’d be out of sorts for a while, hoping she’d take the “ hint”. No, it didn’t stop her. But, then I had to get a second operation and just two days later she was phoning me really early in the mornings. I put up with it 3 days and then I asked her politely not to phone and to let me have some space and time to heal. My partner was getting to the point where he wanted a word with her husband, but neither of us wants conflict as it’s a nice community and we are relatively new here. Thankfully it appeared to work and the calls stopped. But, 10 day later, they started again, albeit later in the day and texting and showing up at my door. ( She’s away to her static caravan with her husband )Friday evening, she called and I didn’t answer, she tried another two times then sent me a photo of herself with a new haircut. Yesterday she was calling and I didn’t answer, ( 6 times she tried ) she texted and I didn’t reply. Her text never asked how I am, so I knew her calls wouldn’t be out of concern for me either.
I’ve just had a very painful few days with the drain that was fitted after the op, and had to go back to hospital and thankfully they removed it. I’m exhausted most of the time and I’ve been told it’s quite normal, listen to my body and rest. I’ve got those TED socks I must wear all the time to prevent blood clots while I’m not very mobile. So, I ignored my neighbour. Late last night, I received a text from her she says that she won’t bother me again, she doesn’t know what she’s done but it’s clear that I don’t want her phoning, so she will delete my number If she doesn’t hear back from me. Now, any other time I’d just laugh it off, but this has really upset me. I have replied to say that I hope she has deleted my number because I’m blocking her. I’m still recovering from a big operation, thanked her sarcastically for her “ concern about me” I’ve been back to hospital, I’ve been in agony and from now on I will just say “ hello” to be polite as a neighbour.
I do feel guilty, but I just can’t put up with her demands, my BF says it’s controlling behaviour, I’m flabbergasted at that but I think my BF is right. She has been away to the caravan she owns for the last week with her husband, yet still had to call me…the threat of deleting my number if I don’t reply. She has plenty of family she doesn’t need to single me out, she does have her own health issues and she’s very vocal and her husband barely gets a word in, he asks her to pipe down a bit and he just shakes his head. They’d both tried to get us to go out for a meal with them and we declined politely. I hope to goodness that she leave me well alone now when they get back home tomorrow. I don’t want this to escalate.
Have I done the right thing? I’m so tired and worried about the results of my op I’ll get on 3rd September and when chemo will start. I don’t need a controlling neighbour who I barely know constantly phoning, texting and turning up at my door.

She doesn't have an off-switch. I daresay she's been like this all her life then gets miffed when people step away - 'I was only trying to be friendly/help/whatever' will be her justification. She will never see fault in herself and for that reason, let alone the fact you are sore, poorly and in desperate need for some TLC and rest, she needed to be blocked.

Ignore any drama going forward. She may gossip about you going forward but again, any neighbours around who are funny with you are not people you'd want in your life either.

Hope you recover soon from your operations and really do hope treatment works. Look after you OP, sod the rest.

You've not been stupid, she's taken advantage of your number! None of this is your fault.

I appreciate how you feel that, but I already tried the “ sorry I’m having a difficult time “ adding that I needed time and please don’t call me early in the morning, so I hope sarcasm this time helps because she isn’t concerned about me at all, we hardly know each other. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to anyone least of all a fairly new neighbour. She even said that if I needed her, she’d leave her caravan holiday and race back here! Says “I’m here for you”. I could be extremely blunt like my BF, but I’m not like that. I had a job as a senior in Customer Service for years having to be very diplomatic and diffuse anger…

She’s just a new acquaintance not a friend. I think phones have allowed people to speed up contact in all sorts of ways and this is one where it’s awful.
You do not owe this woman a thing. A true friend who knows you would send you flowers, offer support if needed and then let you rest.
This woman doesn’t give a toss that you have a major health hurdle to get over.

Wow, what you’ve said about your work colleague phoning you to complain about work and was so angry, because that’s just what my neighbour has done. They went to their caravan two weeks ago, 2 days after my op she was on the phone, didn’t even ask how I was, but she launched into minute detail about a huge argument she’d had with her husbands daughter. Details that I really didn’t need to know as it’s a private family matter. Then last Weds her call was moaning about her niece who’s on holiday with them and I’d just had that drain taken out and that’s when I stopped answering her calls and texts. She’s meant to be back home today….

I think it’s appalling that these people prey on your vulnerability in order to keep going on and on at you, just shows how selfish they are . Don’t beat yourself up for having given her your number, you weren’t to know that she was like this . I wish you well in your recovery :)

Get well soon op and enjoy your retirement home. No need to worry yourself over the community nutter, it’ll be well known who she is !

take care

best wishes for September I hope it’s good news, remember you are now the main priority now, rest, relaxation and peace of mind are the best medicines.

Please try not to let this get you down.
It is clear from the Husband's response that he is aware of his Wife's overbearing behaviour.
You have the support of a loving partner, which is wonderful.
Concentrate on getting well, you are what matters.
Wishing you best wishes.

Get well soon.
You did the right thing.
Hopefully she will move on to her next victim.

You've done the right thing. You need peace in your life as you recover from your surgeries.
Get well soon 💐

You did well to remain patient for so long to be honest . She sounds unhinged

I learned this lesson with a nd neighbour. There's extreme eccentricity in there, probably neurodivergence and/or dementia. Bless them, they are both bears of little brain, vulnerable really. But i had to have some boundaries as I was drowning. Fairly harmless, nice neighbours most of the time, but at times they got obsessed with something completely unreasonable and would not leave me alone. For context, the adult son is very odd, schizophrenic with severe autism. The mum is a bit dotty, very talkative to the point of not allowing you to get away for extended periods.

Initially they would knock on the door to chat or to ask us about the latest burning issue. But then they got the landline number somehow and the morning phone calls started. "Can you get (dh) to just pop in/sort out ....). Dh is softer and more easily manipulated than me, and he was becoming their errand boy.

Then I kept getting intrusive questions about my job, whether I was working, etc. They asked whether my daughters had autism and when I was a little evasive, said "if we don't know what it is, we can't help" (??).

Mostly well intentioned, just really odd. There were other weird things. Once we gave him a key, then came home to find bits and pieces moved. The final straw came when he "tidied" the girls rooms. They were 8 y.o. and 10 y.o, and despite my making light of it, they found it disturbing and creepy. I started to get a bit alarmed.

No amount of being left wing and keen not to be prejudiced against someone neurodivergent or with severe MH was going to get rid of the red flags, so we asked for the key back, without wanting to hurt their feelings.

The final straw was when they kept harassing me all times of day and night about a climber that had crept over the fence at the back of the house. "Could I just" send dh round to remove the branches, and then remove the clippings? This mithering went on and on, and in the end in desperation, we did sort it and killed the climber (a 12 year old wisteria planted by the previous occupier). I'd ended up completely overwhelmed and reduced to tears every time it got raised, because it was so constant and I felt unable to do anything. So I got rid of the landline.

After this, one day, he knocked on the door and then barged his way in "Can I come in?" when it was just me and the girls. He stayed too long and was behaving oddly, rambling about some clock that he had talked to dh about. I finally shooed him out politely and we later found out he had stopped taking his meds. The police and ambulance were round the next day and it seemed he'd attacked his mum. 😔

As I say, largely harmless, but these things can turn. I started to avoid contact but do the friendly wave alongside a decisive exit. Its worked, and things are less awkward and back to distant friendliness.

So defend your boundaries. You are not wrong. The world is full of weirdos. Mostly harmless but when you have all that stuff going on, you can't carry them.

She sounds lonely and like she has grabbed at the chance of a bit of friendship.

but you are going through a lot and instead of being supportive she is being very thoughtless &. A PITA.

you don’t need this stress so leave her blocked & when you recover and are well either have a chat with her or just keep her blocked and ignored

Oh dear. When l am unwell, l just like to be left alone. I have had leukemia twice, so l sympathise with you. Feeling so tired and exhausted, are not strong enough words to say how weak we are. I remember being at home and my dh had taken the children to the park, so l could have some peace. I got out of bed and crawled into the en-suite. When l eventually got there, l lay on the floor for a good 10 minutes before getting up to use the loo. I dreaded my return journey back to the bedroom....Your neighbour should have said something like, l am not being rude, but l will leave you in peace, here if you need me, but know l am thinking of you....Your health is your number one priority, without it, you have nothing. Don't worry about your neighbour, you have enough going on. I sincerely hope your results in September are all positive. I do not know if you are aware, but Macmillen Cancer support has a brilliant website site. It's an on line community, where you can read and talk to people with your type of cancer, and ask experts any questions. I stumbled across this site when l was looking for stick on eyebrows... and l found out through this site where to get them. There is everything you want to know, and more. Please take good care of yourself, everyone else can wait

Get well soon OP. Ignore the neighbour. She is an energy vampire.

My ndn is like this but not so extreme.
I can hear her in the garden talking to her little dog and sometimes I will call over to ask if she's ok. But if I dont she will txt me asking if she's done anything wrong because she could hear me in the garden and called over to me but I didn't answer Well nope you didn't..
Lots of other stuff but final straw came when I put my house up for Sale. I got a sarcastic txt from her.. just saying 'Thanks Green ' !!
Then another one when the Sold sign went up..' Better not be any screaming kids or barking dog . druggies or packies '
And she's always threatening to slash her wrists..she even shows me her arms when she's had a 'practice' ..as she calls it.
Boy..am I glad I'm moving

Yes you did the right thing.

She sounds unhinged.

If you see her say you have been very busy and have no spare time and wave and say goodbye on repeat. Do not answer the door and keep her blocked. She is being very intrusive.

She's probably already burned her bridges with all the other neighbours and you were the latest new neighbour soft target.

She'll move on to the next new easy target soon enough.

Don't give her anymore headspace.