Should I Ask Him Out?

[Smallpurpleflowers]

I met a man recently who works in the same industry as me. We have worked briefly on a couple of joint projects and have been in each other's company at a few industry events. We get on well, and he is really lovely and is definitely single. I really like him and not sure if he likes me as anything more. But I overheard him saying he never knows whether women like him or not.

I'd really like to ask him out. Been single for a while after a long-term relationship so I haven't asked anyone out since school fgs! Feel so clueless trying to figure out if he likes me or whether I should just ask him out for a coffee. I feel so awkward with it all.

What would you do?

I would ask him out for a coffee. Stop overthinking it. If he doesn't like you he will say no and that's ok.

Coffee is the perfect invite.

Yes, ‘Would you like to go for a coffee with me?’ Is ideal. Go for it!

Yes ask him

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm just so out of touch and worry that I'll do something that makes it awkward.

I think the added part I guess is that he is really fit and works out a lot, whereas I am a bit overweight and this holds me back a lot. I know this shouldn't stop me but my goodness it does.

If he says no... how do I deal with seeing him again?

This is the problem with dating someone in the same job/company/industry as yourself, if it goes wrong it can be a bit of a problem.

In some companies people are not allowed to 'fraternize', so I'd check out the HR rules before you do anything.

Personally, I'd let him make the first move.

You could try first to guide conversations into non-work stuff, like asking him if he did anything fun on the weekend. Maybe share what you did. You could also ask another time if he has anything interesting planned for his upcoming weekend. Maybe share with him what you're thinking of doing. Would be good if there's a festival happening, or a special exhibit at a museum, etc. You could also compliment him such as saying you like his shirt or that the color looks good on him. Those would be green lights for him, giving him more confidence that you might say yes if he asked you out.

Don't assume just because you lack confidence in your body that he won't be a fan of it. When I met my husband he carried extra weight and I could've cared less about that.

If he doesn't take a hint, you could phrase it so it's not like a date, such as, "I love talking to you. If you have free time on (day and time), I'm going to XYZ if you'd care to join me."

If he's truly busy but interested, he'll give an alternate date. If he declines without that, you've given him an ego boost and then you can emotionally move on. If there's a bit of awkwardness after that, it'll soon fade with time. Better to take a risk than to let a golden opportunity pass you by. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Probably best to leave it. Awkward if he turns you down, awkward if it fizzles out after 5 mins.

You frame the ask so it it isn't asking for a date.

Something along the lines of, "I'm going for a coffee later before I pop into the supermarket. I don't know yet if Mary is coming. Anyway, if you're around, you're welcome to join.'

If he says he's busy, just reply with, 'No worries. Do you want anything bringing back from the shop.?'

And quite awkward if you spend the next few years seeing him around and regretting that you didn't ask him to join you for a coffee because he might have said no.

Honestly,OP, just ask him. You have to take a few risks in life and this is one of them. If he's not interested but is a nice person,he'll let you down gently. But if he is interested then... could be life changing!

You just treat him in exactly the same way you would have done if you hadn't asked him out.

There's no reason that taking a chance and getting shot down has to be embarrassing. It's not a failing, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

It just means he doesn't fancy you. And what's the issue with that? It's not a negative verdict on your personality, or your looks. It just means a little chemical signal in his brain hasn't gone click.

When I was single, I fancied maybe 10% of the women I met who were roughly my age. And no, it wasn't the 10% "most beautiful" ones. It was, effectively a completely random sample of them. And so I asked those 10% out, and maybe 10% said yes.

And yes, that felt embarrassing. But then I realised that that's a daft thing to be embarrassed about. I only feel a connection to about 10%, why would it be a failing that only 10% of those feel it back?

If he says no, then there's nothing wrong with you, or with him. It just means the line between you doesn't connect.

If you do want to ask him out directly- you could engineer a position where he asks you out, you want to try a certain coffee shop- but don’t want to go alone etc