Rekindling a marriage after separation

[imatidalwaveofquestionmarks]

I really don’t know what I’m looking for here other than just to get it all out.

18 months ago my husband and I had our baby girl, she was born at 26 weeks and was very poorly and we spent over four months in the NICU with her. While we were in the hospital he was my rock, he took extended parental leave and was there everyday. We had been together for seven years, married for four, when she was born.

Since we came home, it’s best to say things went to shit. I had a very traumatic delivery, a placental abruption and an emergency c section, and we were both traumatised. We muddled on with things for the sake of our daughter but just before her first birthday we had quite a frank conversation and both admitted we were not being the best partners to each other, and I said that frankly I needed to spend some time alone, working on my own mental health and wellbeing to be the best mum I could be for our daughter. He was very upset but agreed, and shortly after he moved back in with his mum.

I have had weekly therapy since she was born, I’m on anti anxiety medication now and overall doing a lot better. I’ve started going to exercise classes again (I didn’t want to for the first year or so as I was just so reluctant to leave her.), I look after myself a lot more, and I’m just doing so well. Last month he invited me in for a cup of tea as DD was still asleep when I arrived to pick her up. We chatted, things felt a lot more normal and since then it’s really felt like old times - we’ve texted a lot, spoken a lot and last week he even asked if I wanted to go on a date. I feel like a teenager in love again!

Neither of us have taken any steps to actually divorce, I think because deep down neither of us really wanted to do it. But are we crazy to do this?! Does it ever work out?! It feels almost like it’s too good to be true, to be given a second chance.

Brilliant- you had a rough time, you were kind to each other, you are healing emotionally and physically- if you still feel like you have feelings for each other then definitely give it a try - wishing you peace, health and happiness ❤️

I think that’s why I’m eager to give it another go. He’s been so kind, so many men would’ve run a mile after the separation and he didn’t.

You've been through an extraordinarily traumatic time and coping with a very premature new baby as well! I think it's wonderful if you can find a way back to each other. Take it slow, do the dating thing, talk things through - there's no rush. See how it goes. It sounds like there's still love there on both sides. Maybe go for some couples counselling if you feel like you're hitting a road block at any stage.

I don't think you're crazy to consider it at all. The separation was what you wanted due to a specific life event, which you've dealt with well, and not because of an ongoing issue between the two of you. I wish you all the very best of love and happiness together if that is what you both want, and it sounds like you do.

I say go for it, but don’t rush things. I’ve been through similar and we are back in a good place. I’m a completely different person now (like you I had therapy although I wasn’t the one to leave) I still have my moments where I ask myself if it was the right thing to do but I’d rather try again than never know and regret it. Wishing you all the best x

Thank you everyone. A lot of it came from guilt on my behalf, he had planned extended split paternity leave so that we could get into a groove and then when DD was a little older we could go and travel. Then reality hit, and I was too anxious to even take DD to a baby class until she was a year old. I watched what a toll it took on him, and it ate me up.

Give yourselves time to bond again, but very good luck to you all ❤️

There’s still a lot of love there. I don’t think either of us stopped loving each other, I just stopped loving myself for a long time

You’d be crazy NOT to consider it! It sounds like you took the time you needed and focussed on your daughter, your healing process and your recovery.

Meanwhile, he sounds like he’s been patient and given you the space you asked for. If you both want to - and it sounds very much like you do - give it another shot, that’s fantastic ♥️

And he asked you on a date - swoon, OP! Take it slow and enjoy reconnecting with each other, it could be the best thing for you both but no pressure.

Have fun with one another, you deserve it

I. KNOW. I felt like a teenager being asked out for the first time all over again 😂 he wants to take me to a fabulous little Italian restaurant in his mum’s town. He’s been so unbelievably patient with me, I have so much respect for him

@imatidalwaveofquestionmarks You have nothing to lose but everything to gain. 🌻

I feel like you need to acknowledge how much pain you Caused him by asking to separate, you have done work on yourself and that’s great but you still need to do the work within your relationship.

im sure there are things he needs to apologise for too but you initiated the separation so I’d say it probably needs to start with you. Go to therapy together and acknowledge it there. Otherwise you will create resentment in the rekindled relationship.

You both had a really tough time with your baby. It could well work out now. You've got nothing to lose by trying.

I’ve acknowledged this a lot to him, he knows how sorry and regretful I am

I say go for it. Sounds like there is still love there and so why not try? You’re in a better place, lessons will have been learnt and with any luck, you both could come back from this stronger than ever! Good luck!

I hope you have a happy ending, it does seem you both still love each other, that's a great place to start x

It’s really exciting! If you have the money to spare - treat yourself to a new outfit and really enjoy the experience. Everything crossed for you OP!!