Am I overthinking?

[QuickRedFawn]

Hi,
so I’m looking for some outside perspective on how I feel about a situation with my friends.
Were a close group of 5 but over the last few months I’ve felt a bit pushed out - not as supported or I don’t get the same reaction as some of the others do when good or bad things happen .

One of our friends had an important event that I couldn’t go to as a result of money - I really wanted to but it was so expensive. As a result I didn’t get invited to her wedding reception- all the other girls did and they got chances to invite plus 1’s.
The reason I didn’t get invited was because of space …even though some of the girls didn’t take plus 1s In the end.

My issue is that I found out by having to ask - all the girls got their invites but no one in my close group actually mentioned they received theirs.
I also only found out the day of the wedding reception on the evening everyone was going - even though we’d all had a discussion the day before about what everyone was doing at the weekend - but no one mentioned the reception. I had to find out myself . This left me feeling upset that it had been hidden from me.

Last week after thinking about it I decided to ask them why they'd hidden it - I wasn’t angry or confronting, I just needed to know as it was playing on my mind. A few of the girls got quite defensive rather than actually being sorry for upsetting me even if it wasn’t intentional. I was quite visibly upset but no one checked it on me after -just brushed under the carpet.

everyone’s acting normal but I’m still struggling to accept the reactions and how I feel about it. Am I overreacting or am I right in how I feel?

Bit odd that none of them invited you as their "plus one" if not everyone took one, if it was numbers.

What was the big event you missed? The bride's hen?

@category12 yes that’s what I thought. Ye the hen do

I guess that missing the hen didn't go down well then (which is unreasonable if it was very expensive).

But it seems like the catalyst for being excluded from the wedding reception.

You could look at it differently and say they didn't talk about the wedding reception in front of you so as not to rub your nose in not being invited, I guess.

It's up to you where you go from here. I'd probably be widening my social circle and investing less in this group.

This.

Hi, so you couldn't attend the hen and then wasn't;'t even invited to the wedding reception itself??

I think these friends have changed their feelings toward you. Di you no longer fit with them? Is there a reason they might feel this way, do you get trashed or are you a liability or chaotic?

These sorts of things really hurt so I feel for you. I have been there. What I've done is look at the reality, who is who, where I am at, how I may be coming across to other people. Sometimes they no longer wanted me in the group. I had a group of girlfriends once and we used to go clubbing, but they would always wait for their boyfriends - who were round others girls houses doing coke, and I dared to say, lets go, we are wasting the night! They ousted me for that, started going out without me. I looked back and thought I ought not be hanging out with people doing that anyway, so I made new friends. But it really hurt at the time.

Have a think, about yourself first, and then them, and see if it is time to step back and look for newer friends elsewhere, but if there is a lesson to be learned in the mirror of their behaviour towards you, then take it on board, hard as it may be xxx

You’re not overthinking.

You were left out of a major life event attended by friends you consider to be close and these things really hurt. I think it’s odd that being unable to attend the hen led to you being excluded from the wedding. I think it’s odd that apparently none of these friends appears to have advocated for you or taken you as their plus 1.

Because of the expense and general need to cap numbers, weddings and the related activities inevitably show where you are in the pecking order, even where people have no wish to hurt you, and it can involve painful realisations. I’ve been in this position a few times. I’ve also had lovely unexpected wedding invites. Hopefully some of those will also come your way!

This situation has created a disconnect between you and the group which is continuing to show in how you are all relating to each other. It needn’t be the end of your friendship but, like PPs, i would recommend looking to broaden your friendship group.

That's a hard one. It might just be the bride who wanted to exclude you (over the hen, which is unreasonable) and the others were put in the middle very awkwardly.

It is always difficult with odd-numbered friendship groups I've always found. Five is particularly awkward.

Did you tell the hen you couldn’t afford to go? (i.e. might it have felt to her like a sleight?)

What other proximate events did you attend? (i.e. did it feel like you were making money stretch elsewhere but not to her.)

Did you back out at late notice? (i.e. make her think you might be flaky for the wedding day.)

Today's Bridezillas are a nightmare. If you don't do all they want you to do, you're out.

What did they say when you asked them why they didn't mention the wedding reception? Did they admit that they were actively trying to deceive you by not saying what they were doing that weekend?

They don't sound like close friends to be honest. Good friends don't treat people like this. I'd stay away from them from now on.

I suspect the bride was offended that you didn't go to the hen do and therefore left you out of the whole thing.