Positive dating stories after divorce with children in your forties

[PenelopeChipShop]

I’d love to tear positive stories about dating post-divorce with children. In brief, I met my ex-DH young (21), married at 28, had 2 kids and he left us when I was 35 with a baby and a 4yo. It was the toughest period of my life adjusting to single parenthood but nearly ten years on we co-parent well - though I have the kids most of the time, he sees them EOW and some of the holidays.

Since splitting with him most of my time has obviously been taken up with young kids and re-establishing flexible work. That took a while!! In that time I’ve had one relationship with a man who was lovely but just not right for me. That’s it. I’ve done a bit of online dating but it seemed absolutely terrible - I won’t even summarise it as I’m sure most of us know what people are on there!! Oh, also had a sort of FWB for a few years - not a real relationship, we would just meet infrequently when my kids were away. I really don’t want to continue with that as I feel I deserve a lot more than just someone’s casual shag every 3/4 months.

I’m in a fairly good place now, freelance work going pretty well, kids now 14 and 10 so becoming more independent and it just somehow feels like a new phase. I’d quite like to end this dry spell and have some dates with a view to a real relationship but it feels impossible.

OLD men are just rude. Everyone I meet in real life has a partner. I met one divorced man through work a year or so ago who I fancied and I asked him for a drink - he didn’t feel the same. Am I really going to be single and celibate forever now!?! Im 45.

If you met someone, how did you do it!?! I do have work and a hobby that I regularly do but that hasn’t led to meeting men.

I have observed that those who actively pursue a great social life move on the easiest as they meet single men that way. Meet up dot com and other groups are the way forward. Assuming you have the requisite funds and babysitters in hand and social energy.

If not wait until age 15 for the older child to babysit the younger one then start going out.

Good luck. HTH.

Personally I cannot be bothered!

Thank you Augustus, that is something I hadn’t thought of. I’m not especially into drinking culture but if I could find something that accommodates that it’s a good idea. I’ve felt for a long time that I CBA and I tend to use the the weekends the kids are away for just catching up with work and the house and going to the gym but even I’m getting a bit bored of myself at this point!

My mate is mid fifties and divorcing with 2 children of 12 and 14.

She has met a decent bloke and it’s been going on for 6 months, zero knowledge by her children and will remain so for the foreseeable future. She is even though divorcing very financially solvent.

I met the love of my life at 46. We've been married for 28 years. I had a terrible time dating for around four years with a man I'd known for years. He blew hot and cold and I thought I would never meet anyone who actually wanted me. I met DH through a hobby and was able to finally dump the unreliable guy. Do as many fun things amongst other people when you have time child free. My DH was happy to take on my child and dogs. There are nice men out there even though I thought it impossible.

Ah so happy for you RollonSpring :)

I think you make a good point too, maybe just focusing a bit more on FUN in general is a good idea instead of just the work/kids/house grind!!

I agree with just trying to have fun and enjoy life. I was 48 and had sole care of a nine year old when I accidentally met my partner at a house music event, on a very rare night out. A relationship seemed impossible at the time but we are now five years in. I had tried OLD but it was dire. Never again. Do what you love and see what happens.