Developed feelings for someone else and in an unhappy long term relationship

[Sugarplum5]

Looking for advice or if anyone has felt like this before. I've been in a relationship for 20 years never married, 3 children. The past 4 years have been very rocky, many issues but keep plodding through, I've told him time and time again I'm not happy but he wont accept it, circumstances are difficult so I wont be the one able to move out. Anyway this is going to sound ridiculous, I've developed some sort of crush/feelings for someone else, someone local I know of, there's been quite a few interactions on eachothers photos on social media the past few weeks, and obviously this has flattered me. I think we both know there is a mutual attraction, he is liking more of my photos but nothing more, no msgs etc. I would love for this to turn into something else but not whilst i'm in a relationship. I feel frustrated by it all, the fact I dont want to be with my partner anymore but him not wanting to separate and the fact I could be having some fun with someone else but cant.

Then you separate and take your chance that he doesn't get cold feet and is really interested, or have an affair.

Why wouldn’t you be the one to move out if you split up?

If you want to leave your partner then leave your partner.

I won't lie I am tempted but I wouldn't do it. I want to separate but he wont accept it or move out

So, you move out?

We are in a council house and I cannot afford private rent or have family to stay with, he refuses to accept when I say I dont want this anymore, going round in circles. He says he cant afford private rent

So what’s the answer?

I have no idea this is why I'm fed up and confused. He said he doesnt want to separate. He would be devastated but the more he doesnt listen the more I am wanting other things

Is the tenancy in joint names?
Has there been any violence, or coercive control, or financial abuse?

Joint tenancy. He doesnt give me much money to cover all the bills/rent but I'm not sure thats classed as financial abuse? No violence. He can be verbally abusive, moody.

Don’t let the headiness of an early crush make you create more mess for yourself. Can you at least separate under the same roof until you figure out a longer term solution? He can’t force you to stay in a relationship with him.

He doesn't get to decide if you separate or not. Tell him you are no longer in a relationship, if he won't move out of the house, then he at least needs to move out of the bedroom you share (or you do), stop cooking for him or doing anything for him, go out without him, live a separate life.

I agree, I am not willing to let this cause any issues but I worry incase said person finally reached out and messaged me. I think it will come to that eventually, we have a holiday booked in a couple of weeks that was booked last year so I will speak to him again after that.

I no longer wash his work clothes, he would moan at me on a monday morning that I hadnt washed them (if I had been at work all weekend) so I said do them yourself or they dont get done. I barely cook us a family meal anymore due to his attitude of "dont make that again", "these potatoes taste like shit" or "where did you buy the chicken from" you get the gist, he's hard work, I feel i've lived a separate life for many years, I have done everything for yhe kids, all the appointments, all the sports days and parents evenings alone, even been to christenings, birthday parties alone. He is very awkward.

Just realised I already replied to your comment