Relationship after divorce

[pinkwhiteroses]

I have been separated for two years and just sent the consent form to the court, so my divorce is almost done. My ex has already been with a new partner for a while, and I recently met a man; we have been together for around three months now.
I am really happy with this man and feel so blessed to have met him. He has helped me a lot during the divorce process, and I feel a very strong emotional bond with him. However, we haven't talked about "the relationship" yet because I’m not sure when, how, or even why we need to talk about it. When I went back to dating, I just wanted to meet someone new with whom I could have a meaningful, long-term relationship and see what happens, but I didn’t think much about all the details.
I like him a lot—and love him even—however, I don’t think I can marry him, at least in the foreseeable future, due to maintenance issues and logistics, since we don’t live close and I have two young children. At the moment, it feels like we just genuinely enjoy each other's company.
I am very careful with talking about this new relationship (especially with my ex-in-laws) and haven't introduced him to anyone yet, even though he has already introduced me to his close friends and his mother.
I'm wondering: usually, who starts a conversation about a serious relationship, and when exactly is the right time, or is it even needed? Also, when is the right time to tell your children about a new relationship, and when should you tell your ex-in-laws, especially if they are in close contact with your children?

I'd slow down a little. The exclusive conversation is the first conversation to have. The where is this going is between 6 - 9 months and introducing kids, family etc is from 12 - 18 months IMO.
Of course everyone is different, but at three months I'd just be enjoying it and not getting too emotionally attached.

Everyone is different and you will get 100 different answers. Much of this depends on you and your kids (like ages).

For me, it was quick, met each others kids within 2/3 weeks. We did have a lot of friends in common and kids were mid to late teens and not fussed by it all. We even did a 2 week blended family holiday 9 months in (booked after 5 months) all fine.

who starts a conversation about a serious relationship, and when exactly is the right time, or is it even needed?

This isn't one conversation, it's several.

The "Are we exclusive" conversation, should probably have already happened. The ones after that, is this a long term thing, views on marriage, kids etc, don't need to happen for a good few months yet. When you feel like things are starting to get properly serious, thats when to have them.

Also, when is the right time to tell your children about a new relationship

This one depends entirely on the age of the kids. Anything above 11, I'd tell them now, but emphasise that it's early days, and there's absolutely no rush for them to meet him. If they're still young, then I wouldn't say anything until theres a chance they'll be meeting him soon.

and when should you tell your ex-in-laws, especially if they are in close contact with your children?

None of their business. If you get on with them and are happy to talk about it then by all means go for it. If you don't then let them find out from the kids. It's nothing to do with them.

sounds like he is moving too
quickly for you. Talk to him about how he sees things progressing

Don’t tell your kids if you don’t want their grandparents to know.

Right now, my mindset is to let him lead and see how I feel when he makes a move. When we first met, I was the one moving a bit faster physically, but he was very careful and waited until he felt truly ready, which I really respect. Before I met his close friends and his mum, he even brought it up and told me I could say no if I thought it was too early. I was slightly shocked, but I felt really flattered because it's such a significant step.
Meeting his mum and friends went really well, and I didn't feel uncomfortable at all—in fact, I’d love to see them again. I think he understands my circumstances since I’ve been as honest as possible with him, and I don't think he's looking to rush into marriage either.
For instance, I won't introduce my children unless he wants to meet them, and I definitely don't want to rush that step since my kids are still young. Speaking of daily life, I’d love to spend as much time with him as possible, but truly, I don't want to move in with him. I can't say never, but it's very possible. I value my independence and need my solitude sometimes. However, part of me feels like I would actually want to marry him if he proposed. which I know sounds a bit contradicting! But of course, that wouldn't be anytime soon, and rightfully so.
When I decided to move on from my ex, I genuinely didn't think I would meet anyone this good this soon. I feel extremely lucky, especially since I know many of my friends struggle to find the right fit after a divorce. Having just come out of a 20-year marriage, my view on relationships is very different now compared to two decades ago. Meanwhile, he has never been married and has no children.

So interesting.
I am divorced, grown up kids.
In a relationship with a widower (met through mutual friends) who was so excited to meet me he told everyone instantly, including his adult son who was (unsurpisingly) hostile and unhappy.
18 months in, he has now met my DC who are fine (their father moved OW in instantly).
I didn’t want to introduce my DC to him until I felt sure c this was a serious relationship.

I think you need to share your thoughts with this man about exactly hoe you feel. If you can't do this, and I feel a sense of hesitation, is he right for me?
You need to talk to him. If you cant, or are worried about it, he isnt right for you.