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Original poster

How can I encourage my ex to spend time with our son?

31 replies

LovingBlueDog · 05/08/2026 18:00

Just after some advice
my sons dad and I split up over a year ago and he moved out.
he never really bothered with his son when he lived here but it’s worse now that’s he’s moved out. Yes I’m texting him asking him to see his child (aged 12) but he responds with “oh if I get time” but has time to meet random woman.
i know he has had a few relationships since we broke up which is fine as I’m in a relationship too— however he introduced our son to 3 of these ladies — none of whom he’s with now, and then went ballistic when I said I had my boyfriend over (we’ve been together 6 months and he’s only just met my son)

I really want him to see his child and have some sort of relationship with him and I know my son wants that too as he’s told me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingBlueDog · 12/08/2026 06:49

Bonkers1966 · 10/08/2026 14:29

You can't change this so please stop worrying about it. Seriously. The kid is better off. He has his lovely mammy.

Thank You.
I will make sure my DS has all the love he needs and he does love spending time with my parents and sister too.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingBlueDog · 12/08/2026 06:54

Netcurtainnelly · 10/08/2026 16:43

Did he want a child in the first place?
Ask him how he'd like it if his dad had never bothered with him.

he had the option of staying or leaving and he chose to stay. He says because his dad was in the army he wasn’t around much.
But if that was me. I’d want to be around more 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Dolphinnoises · 12/08/2026 06:58

As a last gasp you could combine some reverse psychology with making it very clear you are dropping the rope (because he won’t notice otherwise).

Send a usual text asking which weekend he would like DS and wait for the usual bullshit reply.

Then: “It is clear you are not interested in maintaining a relationship with your son. Since the divorce I have done everything possible to try to ensure you can spend time with him as I believe it is in his best interests. But I will not be nagging you any more - I get the message. As soon as you have a change of heart, get in touch. But please only do so when you are interested in regular, consistent, long-term contact or you will hurt him further.”

Then screenshot that. Dads like that often pop up in adulthood and claim they were stopped from having contact. You can hold on to it as evidence that’s untrue.

Original poster
LovingBlueDog · 12/08/2026 06:58

Hatty65 · 05/08/2026 18:04

Don't.

Just drop the rope. He's a shit father, and it sounds like he always was. It is not your job to encourage him to be better, and you are just setting up your son for more disappointment when he is let down again.

Stop contacting your ex. He can get in touch if he wishes to, but don't do a single thing to try and 'encourage' him. It will not work, is a waste of your time, energy and emotions.

Focus on your son and make it clear to him that 'it's a pity, but Dad knows where you are if he wants to see you. You and I know you are fab, and he's sadly choosing to miss out'.

The sad thing is my DS will call him and he says “ I can’t talk now” o will definitely say that it’s. Shame dad is choosing to miss out but you are an amazing son and it’s nothing you e done

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingBlueDog · 12/08/2026 07:01

Shouldbedoing · 05/08/2026 18:05

You can't force him and it will hurt your son to hear and feel the rejection. Let it go.

I feel for my son and I share seeing him hurt. All I can do is be there for him and show him love and affection.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingBlueDog · 15/08/2026 00:47

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I’ve not contacted him this week and he hasn’t called or text either. My son has a male mentor he sees once a week set up via the school before the summer break and he sees him in the holidays too. He’s doing water sports and basketball and I will always make sure he knows he is loved and valued and respected by me and my family.

OP posts:
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