Platonic connection or something more with my girlfriend's queer friend?

[LuLu345678]

I am newly out as queer, in my first same sex relationship of a year and I recently went to an event to try and make new queer friends. I’ve noticed when making new queer friends if you click, things seem to go deeper faster than they do when making friends with straight people.

my relationship has been in trouble lately as my gf and I broke up due to her sexting and ex for weeks. We got back together recently and she did something very similar with another ex. So I have been thinking since then we are better off apart but have been struggling to actually do it.

At this event I ended up seeing a friend of my gfs there (Lucy). They are not particularly close and I’ve previously met her briefly a handful of times as she is in the same friend group as my gf.

At the event me and Lucy spent a lot of time together and I she kept gravitating back to me even though we did speak to different people briefly. We spent hours talking and things got quite deep. Talking about therapy, sexuality, coming out, family, dating, what our types were and what we wanted for the future. We had a lot in common and shared the same views. We developed inside jokes through the afternoon. we ended up breaking off from the rest of the group and travelling part of the way home together . We clicked very well.

one moment that sticks out is she was saying she wants kids and won’t date anyone who dosnt anymore. She asked me if I wanted them and I said I wasn’t sure yet and that I was more focussed on finding the right person and then going from there. I spoke about my plans to freeze my eggs soon.
she said that’s good you can do that. she said so your not a no then.

she was complimenting my personality a lot throughout the day. during the tube journey back I think things were a little flirty, leaning in close giggling and smiling and also talking about what we are attracted to and her digging deeper on what my type is. There was so quite charged/intense eye contact too.

I feel quite guilty as I opened up to her in ways that I havnt been able to with my gf. That felt wrong. My gf is quite emotionally unavailable and that has been something we have been trying to work on before the texting and trust issues came out.

I feel a bit awkward about this. I only came out since meeting my gf so I’ve not had any experience of queer dating or much experience with making queer friends. What’s the difference between a great platonic connection and potentially more in the lesbian world?

Break up with your girlfriend before you take up with this new friend.

Just end things with your girlfriend and stop going from zero to ninety in the course of a day.

You had a nice chat with another woman, don’t overthink it. Focus on either improving or ending your relationship with your girlfriend.

Thanks for your responses. Do you think she is interested in me in a romantic way?

How would any of us know? But you should still break up with your current girlfriend regardless — she keeps sexting exes and you’re obsessed with whether one of her friends fancies you. Nobody’s happy here.

Again: that should not be your first consideration. This should be:

So I have been thinking since then we are better off apart but have been struggling to actually do it.

You only came out fairly recently and that is going to take a lot of getting used to, but that is by the by.

Maybe you just need to be single for a while.

Yes, that seems pretty obvious. Just make sure you're single before you see her again. Don't be surprised if your current GF loses the plot when she finds out you're dating one of her friends and people start taking sides.

Nobody knows.

You really need to calm the fuck down, though. Judging from this and your previous posts, your relationships have extremely intense and angst-ridden ever since you came out and you really do need to chill a lot more and settle into your social scene and so on rather than going from one intense relationship to another. It’s perfectly Ok to be single, you know. You don’t need to wait until you’ve met another woman in order to dump the girlfriend who has been cheating on you.

She likes you, obviously. However, she is part of your girlfriend's friendship group so how your break up with your girlfriend goes is key here. Have a conversation with her how you think you are better as friends, wait a bit then contact this girl and ask her for a drink/ walk/hang etc.

It is pretty usual to get with an exes friend is lesbian circles as the pool is smaller but there are unspoken rules (ie: don't be awful about it).

Also, once you've broken up with your ex, block her when she inevitably tries to sext you while in a relationship with someone else.

Thanks for the advice. Not sure I want to get involved with someone who would come onto a friends partner whilst they are still together tbh anyways

Based on what you said loyalty is an issue with your current GF anyway, just fuck her off and try something new with Lucy if you feel there is chemistry. Clearly your current GF doesn’t feel the same way about you as you feel about her so do something about it while the opportunity presents itself…go be happy!

Thanks