I don't really know how to write this without sounding controlling or insecure, so I'm just going to lay everything out.
I'm 35, and my wife is also 35. I work in private equity, while she works in interior design and fashion. Our careers are completely separate, and that's never been an issue. We've been together since we were teenagers, married for six years, and we have two kids. We're financially comfortable, have always had a solid relationship, and I've always trusted her. She's attractive, takes care of herself, and has a very active social life.
She still has the same close group of friends she's known since childhood. They go out for girls' nights or parties once or twice a month, and I've genuinely never cared because she's always had her own life outside of mine.
About three months ago, during one of those nights out, she met a guy named Ryan. He's probably in his late 30s. He was there with a mixed group of friends, and my wife was with her own group. From what she told me, everyone got along really well and had a great time.
Ryan owns an interior design company, is wealthy, and divorced. None of that bothered me because my wife works with successful men all the time. That's part of her industry.
After that night, they exchanged numbers and followed each other on Instagram. It quickly turned into a professional relationship because Ryan introduced her to someone who ended up giving her a huge interior design project. Ryan is also involved in the same project, so they've been working together for the last couple of months.
This is where things started bothering me.
Over the last three months, Ryan invited my wife to a party at his house. She went, but I wasn't invited. That surprised me, but she didn't think it was strange.
Since then, they've been going out for work lunches fairly often, and sometimes those lunches turn into dinners after work. Then, two weeks ago, my wife went on a trip with her girlfriends. She was posting photos and Instagram stories, and that's when I realized Ryan and some of his friends were on the same trip. She had never mentioned that to me beforehand.
When she got home, I asked her directly if there was anything going on between them. She immediately denied it and said they're just friends and coworkers working on an important project together.
I told her I wasn't comfortable with how close they'd become, especially the lunches, dinners, and the trip. She told me I was being jealous and insecure, that this project is important for her career, and that I needed to stay out of her work life.
The thing is, I don't think my concerns came out of nowhere. In some of the photos from the trip, Ryan had his hand around her waist. Maybe some people think that's completely normal, but it definitely didn't sit right with me.
We argued about it a week ago. She got really angry, so I backed off completely. Since then, I haven't brought up Ryan, her work, or anything related to it. I've just focused on my own job, helping around the house, and spending time with our kids. The problem is, I still have doubts in the back of my mind. Because of that, I've stopped being intimate with her. Part of it is emotional, and part of it is honestly because if my suspicions are wrong, nothing is lost but if they're right, I don't want to risk something like an STD.
Now she's upset because she says I've been avoiding her. She told me to stay out of her work life, so I did. I stopped asking questions, stopped arguing, and gave her the space she wanted. But now she's angry because I've emotionally pulled back.
Honestly I'm not going to pretend okay with her closeness with him but now she is telling I'm creating problem, i don't want that guy to take my wife launch, dinner or put his hand on her waist, so I'm wrong here?