To NC or not to NC that is the question

[Dualita]

The narc in my life would love it if I never had contact with them again. My presence reminds them of the hurt/harm/lies they did to me. Going no contact would suit them so they could gloss over it and pretend it never happened.

Going no contact is their reward for screwing me over.

Narc is a family member, not DP/Dkids.

They are on here so I won’t go into too many details.

WWYD ?

I would do whatever was best for your own wellbeing. Staying in contact just so that you serve as a reminder for what a horrible person they are...still feels like you are allowing them some control over the relationship. They don't hold any cards anymore, only you do.

Do what makes you happy. 👍

You go NC for you not for them

Good point and I know this is true.

Walking away means they never get the accountability they need. But narcs never accept accountability.

Will your DP and kids still see this person or will your whole family go no contact?

You need to reframe it - no contact is better for you and it doesn't matter if you think they'd be happy about it. They won't ever take accountability, they will play the victim. Leave them to it.

DP and kids never want contact again. The rest of the family have sided with them. So actually I will walk away from all of them. And no, this was nothing to do with DP who was very friendly with my family until the facts were revealed. So no red flag regarding DP.

Me and DP went NC with his Mum.
So far we’ve heard that she’s telling people we said never speak to us again. She’s told people she’s apologised and apologised but we have the last text off her saying it’ll be a cold day in hell before she says sorry. She’s always the victim. She always will be.

And we couldn’t give two fucks 🥲 she could be telling everyone we slapped her, spat in her dinner and burned her sofa for all we care. We’re free of her insane bullshit.

Take the freedom.
Your narc will never accept accountability, they’ll never feel remorse, they will always be the victim. Your presence, if anything, will encourage them to believe “see, I’m not that bad, they stuck around…”.

If NC is better for you, then go NC.

A narc isn't going to feel bad or accept responsibility. Sadly, I think this is a case where you'll just be hurting yourself. Set yourself free.

Narcs never take accountability and always twist the facts to suit themselves. You can only do what is best for you without trying to anticipate their reaction. Good luck.

Actually there is a lasting negative impact on them when you go NC.

You remove their opportunity to continue abusing/manipulating you. They get so much enjoyment from it, and you are taking that away.

Sure, there’s the short term thrill of telling anyone who will listen how you have cut them off, but then, months and years down the line, you are busy living your peaceful life, and they have lost one of their targets. As a family member you are probably a high value provider of narc supply.

PP are of course correct. You are doing this to protect yourself and your family, not to punish them. Just make sure you stick to it, no matter what the provocation.

Fuck them and what they think. Teach yourself to stop caring about what's going on in their head. Cut this toxic scum out of your life.

Your own personal wellbeing is what you need to concentrate on, so do what makes you feel better.

Thank you for your messages and your support. You’re right about the long term effect on them in the years to come, whereas they will only be in my head for me to say FU to them.

This.

gratefulmezze says everything I would want to tell you.

And in addition they don’t apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions. You go no contact for you , not them. You are saying no more to being abused.