AIBU to expect my partner to ask me about my life?

[Rosecat22]

I've been with my partner about 7 years; we live together, no kids.

Today I went to the dermatologist because I had a mark on my face that I thought might be an early skin cancer. One of the easy to treat, non-fatal ones, but a skin cancer nonetheless. Partner knew I was going to the docs for this. When I got home I found him lying on the sofa, we made small talk about some letters that had been delivered and I asked if he was feeling alright as he was lying down in PJs at midday. For the 15 mins I was downstairs making lunch and tidying up, he made zero attempt to ask me how my appointment had gone.

This is not the first time. Last year I went for a breast ultrasound on a lump, I had to go into his home office to tell him my results when I got back from my appointment.

I've been quite down about my job recently as I'm doing the work of multiple senior people around me, and yet my manager shows zero signs of promoting me, despite other multiple senior people around me agitating for it. A few months ago my manager arranged a meet with me and the CEO of our company to discuss my future. Great I thought! This is it! I WFH everyday and specifically went into the office for this meeting, and DP knew it was happening, knew I was excited about it. I thought I'd do a little experiment when I got home to see if he'd ask me about it when I got in, and didn't mention it or tell him how it went. As soon as I got in he spent 15 mins ranting to me about his work day. It took him up 10pm that night to remember it had happened and ask me about it.

He never, ever asks me about my day when I've been out the house. Never asks me about the film I've seen, the walk I've been on, the trip to the seaside I organised. When I come in I always ask him about his day, with specifics about what he was doing; how was the football match, how did you get on with the song you were writing etc. I do it because I'm interested but also to show I care about him and his life

I'm starting to feel very unloved, tbh. Am I being unreasonable here?

Match his energy.

Look for a place you can afford on your own and sell up/terminate rental contract. Life is too short.

I was also going to say match his energy.

Do a little experiment for a few weeks and don't ask him anything about his life. See what happens. Then decide what you want to happen long term.

Are you sure he actually DOES love and care for you? Because his behaviour isn’t saying it even if his words might.

Are you sure you want to be with him? He sounds emotionally unavailable to me.

I think he does. I think he's just gotten very lazy and settled and honestly kind of self involved. He doesn't really put in the effort in a couple of ways, especially compared to how he behaved in the first few years of our relationship

We own a house together that we've just remortgaged, so it's not as simple as skipping out of a rental contract

I've started to ask myself that question tbh. The other day I did some quick maths to see what lifestyle I could afford by myself 😅 other times I'm fairly happy, though not nearly as happy as I was for the first few years of our relationship

I think you need to talk to him about how you’re feeling tbh. He sounds like he’s become complacent, but that’s how a relationship dies imo. See if he’s receptive to you sharing how you feel. He may change. In defence of men, some do genuinely try, my husband does for example, especially when I tell him how I’m feeling.

Sit him down and tell him straight - he's taking you for granted, shows no interest in your life and health and you feel he's not making any effort to keep your relationship going. Either he shapes up or he is going to kill your feelings for him. Sometimes you have to be brutal and deliver a metaphorical kick up the arse!